I Choose Both

I Kissed That Girl

"You seem pretty deep into your thoughts Lani, are you okay?" She was right I was deep into my thoughts and it wasn't alright because they were all of her, even though I have a boyfriend.

"I just have been struggling to understand things, I've been confused lately." I admitted wholeheartedly.

"Confused about? You can talk to me about it. I wasn't gifted with gigantic ears for nothing," She laughed causing one to bubble over mine also.

I shook my head with a smile still etched on to my lips, "I'm confused about my sexuality. I am attracted to guys, I have a boyfriend, but I'm also starting to believe I'm attracted to girls." I confessed, all my sins in that one sentence and it felt amazing to say out loud to someone.

"What makes you believe you're attracted to girls? Not to sound rude or anything I'm just curious." By now I'm starting to realize just how close we are causing a faint blush to appear on my cheeks.

"The way I've started to look and pay attention to them. It's not the usual, oh she's pretty, it's more of a... I want to touch her, Hell I want to taste her." I took a breath not wanting to make eye contact, "I've noticed one girl in particular and she's become distracting... whenever I'm in school I look for her. I get so excited when she pays me attention, it's even gotten to a point where I want to see her more than my boyfriend." This confession just might be the death of me.

"Who?" She asked, who. The question I couldn't bring myself to answer, because who was sitting right in front of me.

"I can't say... right now." Her features showed a bit of disappointment and another emotion I wasn't able to put a name to.

"So do you think you're bisexual?" Another question I couldn't answer, "I mean it's okay to like both girls and boys, there is no limit. Most says it's either or but sometimes it's not that simple, you can choose both."

"I can choose both? Isn't that kind of greedy? And what if I like guys more than girls? What if it's just this one girl?" I raised my eyebrow staining into her doe brown eyes.

"Choosing both isn't greedy, in fact it's perfectly acceptable. I mean imagine going into IHOP, you are craving pancakes and waffles. Who says you have to get one or the other? In the end you'll be spending money on both so why choose?" I laughed very hard at her analogy, this girl becomes more amazing the more time I spend with her. "As for the other questions, greed is just a word people use to put others down. Just because we go after what we want doesn't make us greedy, it makes us human."

Everything she was saying was truth and I loved it, things were a bit clearer for me. "You can like guys more than girls, or vise versa, that still implies though that you're not straight nor lesbian. Even if it's just one girl, it still puts you in between love; it'll never be just one girl."

"You're right, but one more question." The red blush crept its way up my neck and made its way back to my cheeks.

"Shoot," She smiled as if she knew what my next question would be.

"How do I know this isn't a phase, like how do I truly know if I like girls? I've never been with one or even kissed on-" Her lips, her lips were on mine. She's kissing me and I'm doing nothing back.

Should I kiss her back?

Before given the chance to choose yes, she pulls away hiding her eyes from me; embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't of done that. You have a boyfriend, that was wrong." She attempted to move back but I grabbed her hand stopping her motions.

"No, I mean yes I have a boyfriend but that didn't feel wrong." I gathered as much courage as I could and went for it, I kissed her back. God did it feel great when she started to kiss me back.

Unsure of what to do next, I let her lead. She pulled me closer as if she'd done this a thousand times before. I pulled back slightly to catch my breath, my forehead against her own.

"It's you, you're the girl." I opened my green eyes to meet her brown.

"I know. I don't miss the looks you give me in class Lani, nor did I miss the way you stared at me in the courtyard this morning." She left out a soft laugh.

"So what now?" I sighed running my fingers through my dark brown hair.

"What do you want to happen next Lani?" I could see the challenge in her eyes, she knew what I wanted. She wanted me to voice what I wanted so it'd all seem more real but was I ready?

"I want you, but I'm afraid. I know I need to end things with Daniel, I don't feel for him anymore." I spoke with honesty and with the look in her eyes I could tell she appreciated it. "If I did end things with him, would that mean we could try things? Well I mean if you wanted to." Afraid to meet her eyes I kept mine on my hands that were picking with the holes in my jeans.

"Look at me Lani," her voice somewhat demanding.

I look to her and she pushed me back on to my bed, hovering inches above me. I looked to her lips before meeting her eyes again, liking at my own. Her predatory gaze staring into me, I felt sweaty, very sweaty.

"Lani, I chose girls a long time ago. Those rumors are true about me, when you surrender to my touch you'll see there's nothing wrong with liking the other side." Her breath was hot on my skin sending goosebumps to my arms. "What side do you choose Lani?" Oh dear lord she was sexy, she left a small peck on my lips before trailing my jaw and neck.

"I choose both."

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