Last Hope {a paramore fanfiction}

Chapter Twenty Six

I woke up like I had for the past two weeks and three days. I know that waking up is natural. But you don't know how systematic and unnatural it is when you have nothing to wake up for or have no one to wake up for.

I rolled off the mattress in my empty room before standing and walking to the bathroom. When I moved back into the apartment block I had no furniture, so Gary gave moved the old couches from his office up to my apartment. I also was given a new simple bed frame and mattress when the insurance company payed out the damage to Gary. I felt so bad seeing as they didn't believe that it wasn't done for insurance money, but the confession of Sam to the police did the trick. The table and chairs remained, salvaged from the flooding, but that was it. I was living out of a suitcase.

The police payed for me to sleep in a hotel, and then replaced my damaged phone. They retrieved my sim so it was put into the new phone. I don't know whether or not it was a good or bad thing, as I now had all the pictures of me and Taylor. I mean I could just delete them. But I didn't want to.

When I turned my phone on it was also flooded by messages from Hayley and Chad, Jeremy and Kat, Justin and his girlfriend Jana. All of them checking up on me and seeing that I was okay. All these couples. Perfect pairs. But Taylor never sent me a message. At first I was annoyed, but then what was to expect when I broke his heart, and mine also in the process.

I texted Jeremy and Hayley continually though. We didn't talk about Taylor and sad stuff, just laughed at stupid things and talked about make up and clothes (that was more with Hayley). Kat and I also texted and even met up for coffee one afternoon. And once again, Taylor wasn't mentioned. Of course it meant that I didn't have to think about him if he wasn't talked of...but I couldn't help but to think of him.

I was constantly reminded of him on my social media. People tweeted me about us, asking if we were a couple. They sent me screen grabs of the time Taylor tweeted how he wanted to hear me laugh. I cried over that for days.

Because I had been texting Hayley and Jeremy, I knew that they were due to be back today from Australia. I was nervous at the idea of Taylor being in the same country even though I most likely wouldn't see him again. I realised I would just have to live my life in regret, wishing I never said that we couldn't be together.

After I pulled on a random t-shirt and my black skinny jeans, I decided that I would go downstairs to check my mail. Something compelled me to do so that day. I walked downstairs and opened the little door for my apartment. Gary passed in the hall. "Got mail?" He said. "Nah," I said not bothering to look. "Are you sure?" I turned and saw the thin, square wrapped in purple paper. A sticky label was stuck to the back with the familiar handwriting spelling out "form Taylor." I gently pulled it out as if it would crumble into dust. I peeled away the paper down the centre. Taylor's face, with a long beard, looking straight at me. I pulled the rest of the paper away. Hayley and Jeremy showed up now. I held the plastic case in my hands, the holy grail like object. I flipped the cd over and let my eyes look over the songs, stopping at "Last Hope."

I ran upstairs and put the cd into my laptop. The beat to "Fast In My Car" started to play. I turned it up. As loud as it could go. I started to dance around my apartment, jumping and screaming. Laughing. It was amazing. But as soon as Last Hope started to play, I skipped it. I didn't want to be reminded of it all. Of Taylor. Of the pain. Of the happiness I threw away.

I probably replayed the album 5 times that day. Every time, I skipped Last Hope. I started to read the lyrics in the booklet. Taylor and Hayley and Jeremy were talented as fuck. When I finished reading the lyrics for Part II I flipped the page and caught my breath. "Last Hope" ran across the top of the page in the new font. I sighed. I'd have to do it sooner or later.