Hell's Wi-Fi

Crowley was lounging on his throne, bored as a dog with no one home, a cat with no toy, or a log in the middle of a forest.

Point was, he was capital-B Bored.

There was no work. Hell was running smoothly, no new crisis upstairs, and even all the paperwork was done! He didn't think he would miss the life-threatening problems, but here we are.

This left only one option: mobile games.

Crowley pulled out his phone and started up a random game. Two minutes later and the game wasn't loaded yet. What was wrong with this phone?

He checked the wi-fi strength and it looked to be at four bars, but with how slow this was going that couldn't be right.

Looks like he'll have to fix the wi-fi. At least it's something to do.

Pulling up the wi-fi, which took about three minutes, he almost immediately saw the problem. There was so many devices connected, they were hogging up the bandwidth!

Looks like some spring cleaning is necessary.

As a testament to how long ago anything like this happened, Alistair was still connected. He was dead! How was he still connected!?

Comparing the list of names to the last demon census, Crowely was able to kick somewhere close to about 58. But then something stopped him short.

"Sam's Laptop".

It was hogging all the bandwidth, and there were no demons named Sam in the last census.

He thought about who this could be. The first idea was the Winchester, but he dismissed that immediately. They hate demons, why would they be using demonic wi-fi? However, with his mental search turning up nothing else, he was starting to think that he may have been right. Finally, he checked the laptops browsing history.

Lore, lore, lore, cat videos, hunt location, and, oh look, more lore.

It was Sam Winchester's search history.

"Bloody Winchester!" he exclaimed.

Crowley tried removing Sam from the wi-fi.

Sam came back.

Crowley tried again.

Sam came back.

Crowley tried to ban Sam from the wi-fi.

Sam still came back.

Again, he yelled, "Bloody Winchester!"

Crowley's secretary looked in and, since she apparently had no self-preservation, asked, "Is there anything I can help you with sir?"

Crowley looked at her and, for a second, thought of letting her do the job. Then he thought of how bored he was before and growled, "I can do this myself."

The secretary did the smart thing and ducked out before Crowley started throwing fireballs.

He sighed, looking back to where Sam was mocking him. He was probably laughing his head off, giving Crowely more work. Jokes on him though, Crowley didn't have anything better to do.

Maybe banning him again would work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Huh."

"What is it Sam?"

"It's nothing, just the laptop being weird."

"Another Trickster?"

"Probably not, the wi-fi just shut off randomly. It just turned back on."

"That is weird."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crowley may not be a good hacker, but he knew enough to get into Sam's computer to disconnect the wi-fi from his side.

Or so he thought because even that didn't work.

He tossed a fireball at the wall in frustration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Or maybe I'm being hacked?"

"Does that mean we should be worried?"

"Doesn't look like it, whoever it is didn't even get by my firewall before they gave up."

"Then I'm not worried."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crowley was glad he was the king, because no one could question him shutting down the internet.

Maybe he was overreacting, but it was personal now. Sam was getting off the internet, NOW.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Wonder what was wrong with the wi-fi there."

"Don't know, I was fine. Maybe you need a new 'baby'."

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crowley was not giving up in his quest, he was taking a tactical step back.

Sam and or his laptop would die before Crowley and then he would throw the infernal thing into the darkest part of Hell where it would be melted into slag.

He was not going to tell the Winchesters about this, they would not know they got something over on him.

He still had the issue of being bored with nothing to do. Oh well, he was the king, and that came with perks.

Like rerouting the unused bandwidth to his phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the future, after Crowley bit the dust in another universe, a low demon named Belfagar left Hell when all the souls escaped. With crappy wi-fi, there wasn't much to do.

And because Crowley hogged the wi-fi for himself, he saved a large amount of people again because he bored a demon into leaving Hell and being at the right place and right time.