rupture - l.s.

chapter 19

I exhale and inhale out loud, let the air flow through my lungs and then I close my eyes. Never would I have thought that I would fall again. That I preferred the darkness that I once called hell, rather than this feeling.

Once again, Louis has managed to turn my world upside down. But do I look like I'll forgive him right away?

My plan was completely different!

He ruined everything!

I wanted to find a job and just make money, like all my other normal friends who have a right place in our world and system. After all, I've always been the one to whom ... everything miserable happened.

His eyes are haunting me. Whenever I try to sleep at night, those thoughts of Louis' Tomlinson's bloody face comes up over and over again, and I want to escape from these images in my head, but someone is keeping me hostage. Maybe even myself?

My head snaps up as the door opens. Louis storms in. I can see in his eyes that he is angry. I'm afraid to say even one word.

As his gaze rests on me, goose bumps form on all parts of my body. God, I just want to get away from here.

My heart beats faster while he approaches me. He looks me in the eye and hands me a letter. As I read what it says, I freeze and curse myself for wanting to leave this place here just a few minutes prior.

"You're firing me ...?", I ask in shock. He stares deeply into my eyes and growls. I smell alcohol. My expression falls. "Louis, did you -" "Shut up and piss off!", he hisses.

Confused, I look at him. "I'm starting to get confused. Only a while ago you apologized to me and now you throw me out. What's the point, Louis?'', I ask, waving the papers in front of me. He breathes in and out loudly.

I shake my head in disappointment when I realize he has no answer. He does not want to answer me.

As soon as possible, I grab my bag and walk in the direction of the door and leave the bar. As soon as I get on my bike, I hear a loud noise behind me. Shattered glass. A bottle of wine.

I turn around and look Louis in the eyes again.

"You ask me what's the point?!" he asks loudly, drawing the attention of everyone on the sidewalk to us. I nod carefully. "You've come here after months! You brainwashed me and tried to make me feel guilty!''. He sounds really drunk. I find it unpleasant to be watched by everyone. I feel uncomfortable.

"It's not enough that I had to watch how you slip through my fingers! No, I have to watch it a happen second time now. And you know why?!'' he asks. I shake my head a little anxiously. He comes dangerously close to me, I feel his breath in my face.

"Because I'd rather let things I would break leave before forcing them to stay."

.

A friendship can end. A relationship can end. But one thing can never end, my love for you.

That's what I wrote into my diary when I was like  16. Loneliness and the desire for love made me a hopeless romantic at that time. But soon I realized that romantics do not have it easy in life.

A hopeless romantic person gives you more love than you could ever give back to them. Because love makes them happy, excites them. Hopeless romantics build their life around love. However, Louis was not a hopeless romantic. I had given him too much love.

Do you know what, Louis? You were right.

Everything disappears sometime.

Except your smell.

It'll stay in my nose forever.

Everything disappears sometime.

Except your eyes.

They'll stay in my mind forever.

Everything will eventually disappear, even the world will disappear someday.

But one thing, I promise you, that remains.

Is my memory of your voice when you first promised me that you love me.

Couldn't you have told me it was a lie?