You're It. You're My Person

Everything I am i give to you

You are the text I look forward to. Your the mornings and nights that burn in the back of my mind.

Here I am drunken, baring the deepest parts of me. Telling secrets of things I'd never once said out loud  before and yet you say nothing. You talk of love and being more honest with me than with anyone you've ever been.

I am nothing. I feel the blank void of emptiness between us as you swipe your tinder pics. I smile like I've never felt the crush of rejection before. I know that us could never be an us. I know you like the back of my hand. I may seem as though I'm zoned way out but I'm here. I promise I'm here and taking every detail in as though I were blind and seeing you for the first time.

I know that as soon as we got comfortable. As soon as my clothes were In your closet and my toothbrush rested on your counter you'd flip. You'd lock your phone and hide your phone calls. You'd miss nights with me you never would have missed before and the words I love you would become a foreign concept.

I don't need you, but then again no one needs air..  It just happens to prevent you from dying . 

Honestly if you looked at us with no knowledge of our day to day lives you'd say our childhoods were switched. I faced raids and the tips of needles filled with drugs by the age of three and you sat a happy childhood in a Catholic school with parents who gave you everything. Funny huh?

I find peace in trips to console the anxiety that had me staring at my long since healed scars that mar my arms and legs and you speak lyrics of pistols and gangs that talk legends of death and violence. Where does it end? Where does a child look at themself and see such destruction and decide a path that should have never been led as an option?

How did this become a thing? There were moments when I thought I knew. Moments when I looked at you and imagined I saw the true you. Guess not.