Jane's Cardinal

Chapter One

Chapter One

Judgmental

"Jane Lucille!" My mother's voice only rang louder as she smoothed the rough edges of her anger. I hesitantly pushed the front door closed and followed the noise of a ripped envelope in to the small original yellow kitchen. As I entered I saw her eyes sliding from one side of the soft edged paper to the other. Her eye brows rammed into one another and she began to shove her fist onto her hip. This is that same cheerleader pose I see at school when they get aggravated with their team mates. My first thought was she had taken a regretful glance at my grades, but as she let the paper gently fall upside down I could see familiar hand writing.

"This is," Her voice cracked and she dragged her eyes away from me. "There is no need for this anymore Jane. You know that." She said inaudibly. Standing on the other end of the table the envelope sat in front of me. It read "Linda Johnson." I gasped in fear that I was caught.

"We, I mean I just went to bring her something." My voice was soft and careful. My mother's lips became a thin line. I knew she wasn't happy with me going to visit Mrs. Johnson, but I had done it anyway.

"I told you to stay away from that," She stumbled "that place." She spoke with her words in disgust at "that place". I wasn't a fan of that hospital either, but for a completely different reason. My dad use to tell me all the time that those people in that hospital are people just like us with a simple misguidance. Adults, teens, and even children spend nights there under some special supervision. I could sense my mom feared that place ever since it came here with its secret "mental hospital" title.

I can't remember one time where she ventured with dad and I there. This may be why she doesn't know that this particular "mental hospital," has suicidal or troubled patients not crazy ones. Her deep sighs interrupted my thoughts.

"Tutoring? Really? I should have known." Her bottom lip curved up as she shook her head. "Should have known." She said to herself.

"Mom, don't blame yourself." I spoke in guilt. I was taking the fall to what I believed was her own problem. She knew after the hundredth time of asking me not to go that I would in fact continue going.

"Blame myself?" My mom chuckled for a moment and then began raising her voice. "You lied to me young lady. I have told you time and time again that place has no room for a brilliant fourteen year old girl like you!" My heart pounded at the sound of "young lady". I felt as though I was being pressed, piled with rocks till I told the truth.

"Mom, I" but she wouldn't let me speak. She just kept on with the whole "you will do as I say," speech. Annoyance had begun to build up inside me. "Do as I do! Isn't that what they teach from the bible? Isn't that a message dad had once preached on?!?" I yelled. "I'm only doing what dad did; did he not do as much as he could?" I began to cry. "He gave these people a gift a mom."

Madness sprung across her face. Though she seemed angry her voice was puzzled. "What gift Jane?" Her hand was pulled out reaching for me as though I was supposed to place something in it. She stood there for a while as I composed my words. Thinking she had come out empty handed she dropped her hand hopelessly. Before she finished getting on to me I finally spoke boldly.

"A gift that no one else seems to give them, the one thing people like them, people like us need." I answered the question poured onto her face. "Someone who listens, something you refuse to give me." I could see my words were hitting her like a bullet. They were bouncing right back to me.

"Promise me you won't go back." She demanded. Before I could respond she repeated herself. "Promise me!"

"I can't." I said swiftly. Hoping the conversation could end I began trotting off to my room. I could hear a sniff or two and my letter I never got to read crumpled in the empty air.