The Garden Of Larry

Can I call you later, maybe.....

(Harry)

"Hello?"

"We need to talk." He said.

"About what?" I questioned. "The fancy papers you sent me that tore a massive hole into my heart?"

"Don't be like that." He sounded angry. "Don't you dare talk to me like that and be like that after what you did to me!"

"Are you seriously telling me what to do?" I scoffed. "You may be older, but you aren't the boss of me!"

"You cheated on me multiple times and lied to my face when confronted about it." He yelled.

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit!" I yelled back.

"It's not bullshit you asshole!" He yelled again. "I didn't even call you to argue about this."

"Then why'd you even call?"

"God!" He screamed. "I called to tell you that you're not allowed to see Anthony anymore."

"You-you can't do that to me-"

"Actually, I can." I was frozen, but I wasn't going to let it go.

"I'm sorry, Harry, but you can't see him anymore." So he hung up.

His words kept echoing in my head. I couldn't just sit here knowing that I had to do something. He can't just take Anthony from me. I know that biologically Anthony's his, but we had him together. I was there every step of the way. Anthony's mine too. I got up and made my plan.

************

I walked up those steps with more courage than I'm used to. I knocked on that door with full intent in fixing this right here; right now. The door opened and the guy who answered wasn't Louis. I didn't recognize him. My heart shattered right there.

"Who is it- " He stopped his words as he saw me. I wasn't sure what to say after seeing him. I had a whole speech planned but just like the first time I met him, I was frozen in awe. I was completely taken aback by his next words.

"What are you doing here, Harry?" The hatred in his voice was so evident but wasn't lacking an inch of hurt. It was as if the mere sight of me pained him with the memory of my mistake. I felt terrible.

"I-um-I just wanted to talk to you." I couldn't control the hopefulness in my voice from escaping my lips.

"You can't. We were just leaving." He slipped on his winter jacket and beanie. I love the sight of him in that beanie. He wore it on our first date. He grabbed his keys and locked up.

Flashback

He answered the door and he looked gorgeous. I can't believe he said yes to going out with me tonight. I was so nervous when I asked him. I was so sure that he'd turn me down. He was the first guy that I had asked out. Also, he was the most beautiful person and I'm this flabby, lanky, lad. I was sure he'd turn me down. But here I was standing in front of him to pick him up.

"You look beautiful, Louis."

"Well, you look pretty gorgeous yourself, Harry." He blushed and then I blushed.

"You ready to have a super awesome date?" He nodded dramatically and I walked him to my car and opened the door for him.

"Thank you."

We drove to this marvelous restaurant that I'd always wanted to take someone special. Louis seemed like he fit the title of being special. When we arrived and were seated he looked at me after a few minutes of silence and observing the place.

"This place is incredible, Harry. How come you chose this spot?"

"I just thought you deserve to be taken somewhere special."

"You're so sweet." He blushed and that made me blush.

End of flashback

"Can I call you later maybe?"

"That's probably not a good idea. I don't think I can, Harry." He was trying to put on a brave face.

"Why not?" His words were almost inaudible.

"It's too hard, Harry. I can't." He looked away from me and I watched as he walked away with another man. Not just with someone else, but he has to look so perfect while doing it.

All of this because I couldn't keep it in my d@mn pants. I feel disgusted with myself. I'm disgusting. I hate myself for putting him through this. I hate myself.

I wanted to lash out but had to remain calm. How can someone remain calm when their entire body is screaming in agony on the inside? All I wanted was sex and this is what I got instead. How could I be so stupid? I could feel the tears sliding down my face but I couldn't feel my legs. I stood frozen outside of my old home. Cold and alone in the newly seasoned London weather. It was winter and this year wasn't going as planned.

After several long minutes I regained feeling in my legs and began walking home. Not my real home. I hated that stupid one bedroom condo. For the first time in a long time I felt alone. I managed to make it back to the condo in one piece. As I lay on the bed made for a single piece of shite like me I begged my body not to fall asleep. I just couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I would either have a dream of my past, of Lou and I happy together, or dream of the day it all changed. It was just too hard. Louis was the first guy I ever asked out. I can't and will not live my life without him in it. My body finally won the battle and I fell asleep. Dreaming of him and I together and happy. It was painful.

In the dream we were at this spot by Crystal Lake laughing and joking about something stupid I had done. I wasn't sure what it was, but I walked up close to my other self and Louis to hear better. The other me and Louis looked at me and glared.

"How could you be so stupid, Harry?" They both said to me.

"What are you talking about? Aren't you two happy together?"

"Quit dreaming of the past, Harry. We all know that you're an idiot. You hurt Louis and now you have to live all alone in a small empty condo and it's all your own fault."

I freaked out and immediately woke up in a pool of sweat. I can't believe my guilt was even invading my dreams now. I made myself some of Lou's favorite tea and attempted to go back to bed. It was hard though, because I was worried that I'd have another nightmare. I finally fell asleep an hour later. This time I had no dreams or nightmares. Nothing but emptiness filled my head.