Mirror Image- Snowbarry AU (Collab Story With Cisco_SW)

Chapter 9

It turns out that some guy named Zoom had sent this man after her and that he was going to come and try to kill her. By now all the old team was back together, all except Barry. She knew that she had to go see him and that she had to do it herself. She had to be the one to do it otherwise she would never forgive herself. She couldn't bear the thought of someone else doing that job for her.

So she swallowed down her feelings for him and went to Mercury Labs where he was now working. She knew that she would not be able to complete her task if she said something too heartfelt and too in touch with her real feelings. She didn't want him to think that she came simply because she wanted to take advantage of him. Any floundering confession of her passionate feelings for him would have to wait a very long time. 

Maybe at a time when the death of his wife was not still prominent in everyone's minds. Maybe when she didn't feel so guilty about her death and the feelings that she has for him. Making even the slightest move on him right now would be an insult to Patty's memory, she has only been dead for six months after all. And it would also have to wait until she could say that he might just possibly feel the same which is simply impossible right now. 

He probably hates her after all. He must blame her for Patty's demise and how could he ever hold a flame for someone who had done that. But it didn't matter because his wife has been dead for six months and could not have feelings for someone else so soon after that.

But she took a deep breath before entering his lab, just standing in the doorway and admiring as he worked not noticing her presence yet. Just looking at him in person again made her realise how much she had truly missed him. He was a sight for sore eyes and all she needed to make her feel better in even the worst situations. 

She could almost see how he sensed someone behind him and how he turned around slowly to see whether his mind was simply playing tricks on him. It was a beautiful sight. 

"Hi... I know I shouldn't be here but I... I just wanted to see you," Caitlin began nervously, her eyes not knowing where to linger when all she wanted to do was to gaze into his green eyes buts he knew that was inappropriate and not something a platonic friend should do. And that was what she was trying to be for him right now, no matter how much wanted to be more. It was just what she had to do.

"It's been a while..." Barry replied weakly and at first, she thought that it was a sign of him not wnating her to be here but a smile was on his face as well which made her stomach turn with butterflies. 

"Yeah, it has..." she nodded cautiously not knowing what to say next. She had tried to plan this in advance so she wouldn't make a fool out of herself but being in front of him, in this very moment, she was lost for words. Sometimes she could barely understand what he did to her. But when it comes to feelings such as these, there is no understanding. Just knowing that it's there and is what you live for each and every day.

"I saw the news... that guy who attacked you..." Barry began but was swiftly cut off.

"He's taken care of... though the guy who sent him certainly isn't. But that doesn't matter. I came here... I came here to apologise. I understand if you don't want to see me again after this and after all I have done. I'm so sorry about Patty and... I know it's my fault and it's okay for you to blame me. I mean, I saw you at The Flash Day celebrations and honestly, I don't think that they should have even been commemorating me. Iris and Patty were the real heroes that day. I'm not the hero that they all think that I am and I was not the hero that day, you know that better than anyone,"

"Of course you were," Barry stated so objectively and so strongly it was as if he was in complete disbelief that she could ever think that way. "Cait, you made the best with what you had and you shouldn't beat yourself up about this. You saved the city with their help and just because you survived and they didn't doesn't mean that you aren't a hero,"

"I don't understand how you can think that after what happened with Patty..." she replied in disbelief, she couldn't understand how he could be so understanding after all that has happened.

"Look, I love Patty and I always will but I have already lost her once already. She had been back for so a little time that when I lost her again I had already hurt all I could hurt over her the first time. When she died, for good this time, it felt like all my grieving had been done already. She died a hero and I am proud of her for that. But it's time for me to move on and start a new chapter in my life, that is what she would want, and I know for a fact that she wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this. I know that you think that you don't deserve happiness but you are wrong, you deserve to be just as happy as me and Cisco and the rest of us," Barry explained slowly.

Caitlin swore that she was never closest to rushing forward and plunging herself into someone's arms and kissing the life out of them in her life. But she restrained herself. As much as she wanted to, she knew that she had to know her boundaries. It was still too soon. 

But never in her life had she ever felt emotionally closer to someone in her life. All she wanted was for him to hold her and never let go. She knew that she could hug him right now if she pleased but she knew that if she did she would never be able to let go. 

"You know, this is from Wells. I've been too scared to watch it..." Caitlin said quietly, pulling a memory stick out of her pocket and showing it to him and taking a few steps forward.

"What if we watch it together..."

She nodded and took his hand silently. They walked together to his computer so they could watch what was waiting for them on the stick. 

Caitlin was sure that she wouldn't be able to do this any other way or with any other person. She wasn't strong enough to do it by herself but she knew that with Barry by her side she could accomplish anything. And when she received proof that Wells was the one that murdered her father rather than her mother, she knew that she would not to experience this amazing moment with any other person.

There was no other person who she would rather be holding as the joy and tears washed over her body with unlimited feeling and passion. If it had been any other person than she would have been craving Barry's presence with her. 

Nobody but him could be enough.