Dematerialized

Part 1

There's a fiery arrow that Pierces right through my chest. I began to scream and hug the teddy bear he gave me to numb the pain. After screaming and telling the whole city how much I'm hurt right now. 

 I let out a hiccup and began sobbing. The tears flow uncontrollably. Tears sting my eyes as I think about what happened to me. 

I don't know how long it has been since I fell inlove with the man I though I'll spend forever with. I want the pain to stop.

 I want the pain of loving and not being loved in return to stop. 

 My whole body knows that it is going to give up anytime soon. I'm done fighting. I'm done fighting for someone who will never fight for me in return.

 What if things were done differently? What if I do everything to keep him? What if he still love me? But I know that will never happen. His love for me was gone and will never come back.

I want the old back me back, but I know that is next to impossible because he's now a big part of me. And I feel incomplete that big part of me was gone. Can someone tell me? How can someone like me move on? 

 I was 15 that time, living my Normal life and the only problem I have is how to have a more exciting day.

 After finishing my breakfast. Mom hugs me, she reminds me about the things I already know. Like take care of myself, go home early, eat and other basic things. 

 I kiss her and say my goodbye. I leave with an excited smile on my face.

 On the way to school. Taking the bus full of strangers seems like a bad idea over riding alone in a car with my driver. But I want to make something new in my life.

Wearing a dress above my knees. I enter our school gate and show my ID in out school guard.

 I made my way in our school cafe and find my friends hanging out there.

 "Hi Jenni" Lance simply says. He slides the chair beside him as if inviting me to sit down. I accept his invitation and sit beside him.

 Lance is one of my bestfriend, childhood best friend to be exact and I'm thankful that we're still friends after all these years.

 We are in our usual table in our school cafe where we usually hang out while waiting for our classes to start.

 "Is this for me?" I ask Lance pertaining to the lasagna in front of me. 

 "Yeah. I know you'll eat hre again after your breakfast" he said smiling, so proud that he knows some details about me. 

 I smile at him and silently eat my food. Lance continue talking about something and I just nod and say yes to him

  I wasn't stupid, I know Lance like me. I can feel it. The way he treat me, the way he care for me. It's just that, the only thing I can offer him was friendship. Maybe because I have this one particular guy in my heart. His living in my heart for almost 5 years now. I was Grade 6 when I first saw him, when he first captured my heart. And until now, I'm still a prisoner of my own heart, all because of him 

 "Jennivhie let's go? " lance say with a grin just as the bell signaling the start of class goes off.

 "Shut up!" I say and roll my eyes. I hate it when people call me by my full name.