Some Things You Can't Control

01: Forgetting And Regretting

          Tuning them out, I take the elevator to the second floor of the three in our house, heading down the hallway to dump my bag in my room.

          Abandoning my personal haven, I cross the hallway to the bedroom door of my twin sister, Kenzie, and knock.

          "Come in," she answers.

          Kenzie is splayed out on her stomach across her bed, typing on her laptop with papers spread out all around her. She smiles when her eyes land on me.

          "What you up to?" I ask casually, plopping down on the edge of her bed.

          "History essay," she groans. "It's so horribly tedious."

          "Sounds like fun," I say sarcastically, my eyes wandering idly around her room.

           Kenz sits up, closing her laptop and setting it to the side.

           "Did Lewis talk to you at all today?" She inquires, inspecting her fingernails.

           "He might have. Why?"

          Kenzie suddenly looks both amused and intrigued, forgetting whatever she had been staring at on her fingernails- which I strongly suspect was nothing. Her twinkling eyes are fixed on me.

          "Did you speak about anything in particular?"

          "No, not really. Why...?"

          "No reason," she smirks.

          I decide to just come out with the question that's been bugging me.

          "Does he like me?"

          Kenzie looks slightly confused, dodging my question as she answers, "What makes you think that?"

          "C'mon, Kenz. I'm not blind. Before I ran off to stop the fight I think it had been pretty clear Lewis was planning to say something that could have had a dramatic impact on our relationship."

          "He may have been planning to do that..." The twinkle in her eye is a dead giveaway; I'm right.

          "Mackenzie," I try, willing to hear her say it to confirm any doubts.

          "Okay, okay. Yes. He's been crushing on you for a while now."

          Even though I had already guessed, hearing it from a reliable source comes as a shock.

          "Okay," I respond quietly, not sure what else to say.

          "You still like him, yeah?"

          "Yeah."

          "So I'm right in assuming you would have said yes if he'd, I don't know, maybe asked you out on a date?"

          "That was his plan?"

          Kenzie releases a chuckle, shaking her head as though something about this situation and our doomed conversation is funny to her.

          "You should just tell him, Edes," Kenzie states at last.

          "No way."

          "Why not? He likes you, you like him..."

          "It's just awkward," I admit. "I mean, I've know him my entire life. We both have."

          "Shouldn't that mean you can talk to him easier?"

          "Not about my romantic feelings for him. It makes it only that much harder."

          "I get what you mean," Kenz replies, suddenly acting kind of weird. "Sometimes it's not so easy to tell people things."

          "Kenz, is there something you want to tell me?" I ask gently, knowing there's definitely something she's refraining from saying. I know her too well to fall for her transparent charade.

          Kenzie shoots me a tight smile, diverting her eyes. "No, I'm fine."

          There's a knock at her door, and as Kenzie had done to me, she once again calls, "Come in."

          Our ten-month older brother, Brody, stands in the doorway, his phone in hand.

          "Kenz, do you know where- never mind, here she is. Have you spoken to Jake?" Brody asks me.

          "Not since lunch. Is something wrong?" I ask.

          "The bastard's been ignoring me. Apparently he broke up with Cassidy?"

          "Yep."

          Brody strolls into our sister's room and takes up residence in her office chair, his gaze fixed intently on me. "Are you kidding me?"

          "No. I saw it happen," I assure.

          Brody leans back in the chair, running a hand down his face. "Halle-fucking-lujah."

           "Brody," Kenzie scolds. "You're not supposed to be celebrating."

          Brody rolls his eyes dismissively. "Whatever you say. I'm just relieved she won't be hanging around anymore."

          "That's such a jerk thing to say," Kenzie continues, scowling at him.

          "Maybe so."

          A grin suddenly spreads across my twin's face. "Eden knows."

          "Eden knows what?" Brody asks.

          "About Lewis."

          "You told her?" He seems absolutely mortified.

          "She guessed."

          "He told me he was going to speak to you today," Brody says casually, now scrolling through his phone. "Did he finally ask you?"

          "He didn't get the chance," I say, my stomach back-flipping at the thought of Lewis.

          "I'm gonna kill Jake," Kenzie mutters. "That was Lewis' big moment."

          A sudden wave of guilt crashes down over me as I realise I entirely abandoned Lewis in the aftermath of the fight. He probably felt horrible when I walked out with Jake, thinking that I completely forgot about him.

          And to be honest, in the heat of the moment I had completely forgotten about him.

          The backflips in my stomach morph into waves of nausea; because I just left him standing there, and I most likely discouraged him from having the guts to face me about his feelings.

          How am I supposed to fix it without having to, first, spill my own dirty little secret to him?

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- ConfusingIllusions