Panopticon

Hidden Truth

“Don’t punish yourself, please. There was nothing you could do.”

Noel had tears on his cheeks. Emma had only known them for an hour, but it had been clear that he and Kate were very close. The minutes after her death had all been a nightmare of panic and fear, with the doctor going flat out in an instinctive response to put as much distance as possible between them and the scene of his friend’s murder.

He’d got them away. In his crazed desperation, however, they’d left the road and the truck had soon been met by a tree. The immediate danger seemed to have passed, but it couldn’t be far away. It was the psychiatrist’s job to calm their driver. With Noel mentally stable, there was a good chance that he could find a way back to the Hub. With him in hysterics, he was a danger to them all.

She was having little luck. The doctor kept repeating the same things, muttering under his breath, and he barely seemed to acknowledge her presence. Emma returned to her seat. She nodded to the mother, who leaned forward.

“You’re a doctor, aren’t you?”

Her voice stayed low, but she spoke firmly. Emma had tried her best, with the gentle conduct of a therapist, but perhaps a different approach was needed.

“Yes.” For the first time since Kate’s slaughter, Noel’s eyes seemed to focus. “Why?”

The son had hit his head in the accident, and lay unconscious. After a brief explanation from the mother, their doctor’s training kicked in and he set to work as if on automatic. Emma watched hopefully as Noel checked for a pulse, and not just for the son’s sake. If both of them returned to the world, the whole group could make it back alive.

“He should be okay, beyond some nasty bruises, but I’ll check for concussion when he wakes up. Until then, try to keep his head stable.” Emma moved into Kate’s vacant seat at the front, allowing the child’s tiny frame to be laid across the back seats. His mother held his head gently in her lap.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” Noel’s voice lost its professional tone, wavering slightly as he continued. “I caused this.”

“No. We were all panicked; it’s not your fault.” Emma quickly jumped in, hoping that the doctor’s self-reproach wouldn’t undo the progress they’d made.

“Kate...” Her words, as before, were in vain. The distraction had helped, having something productive to do, but Noel’s guilt could not be suppressed for long. It consumed him all over again, and the vacancy returned to his eyes.

“You both thought it was safe, remember? You couldn’t have known what would happen, any more than Kate did.”

“You couldn’t have saved her, but you saved us. Without you, we’d all be dead. Without you, if my son’s injury turns out to be grave, he could still die. Without you to take us home, we could all still die. These are just the facts.” The mother picked up where Emma had finished, but her voice was a lot firmer than the psychiatrist’s. “We need you, Noel. If you must believe your guilt, at least seek redemption. Kate would want you to fight on. Please, get us out of here.”

To Emma’s surprise, this firm stance seemed to work better. Noel nodded, took some time to compose himself, and tried to start the truck.

His efforts, as the group held their breath, were met with silence. Whilst their doctor had emerged from his shocked stupor, his vehicle remained unresponsive. He tried again, and again.

“I don’t think I can,” Noel said, eventually collapsing in his seat. “We’re stuck here.”

“No, we’ll walk.  Aidan’s light, I can carry him, and we can divide the food between us.” The father, who had been anxiously watching over his son, climbed off the truck. “Do you think you could find the way back?”