LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 4

You're an Enby, Rowan: My Non-Binary Journey

August
This is the time of the year when I go to summer camp. For me, summer camp is like my home away from home. It's where I can feel free to be myself, no matter what.

I've known some if the people at camp since I was 10 or even younger, so we've all seen each other at our best and worst.

I came out to one of my close friends at summer camp first. And how I'd I start this oh so interesting conversation?

""So, have you ever heard of the gender binary?""

I shit you not, that's how I started the conversation every, single, time at camp. I then had to explain what the gender binary was, and how I identify outside of it. Understanding something like that can be a bit difficult if you're not used to it, but they all tried their best.

At camp I told about 2/3 of my cabin mates that I wanted to also use they/them pronouns. The majority of them didn't really get it, but they were interested in learning, so I was happy.

High School
Right now I'm a freshman in high school. I was super excited back in September when I first walked through the doors. The first club I wanted to join was GSA. I didn't know much about it, but I wanted to meet other people who I could relate to.

For the first meeting I asked a few of my friends to come with me. I was really nervous and kept playing with my hair (it's a bad habit). Everyone had to go around and say their name and pronouns, so I ended up saying she or they were fine.

GSA became a sort of safe space for me. I was able to talk about however I was feeling, and nobody was judgy. That was sort of a first for me.

Fast forward to a few months into the school year. I've settled into my place in high school, and my mind has found other stuff to do than constantly worry about school. This meant my mind went back to everyone's perception of me. Most of my friends already knew I am non-binary at this point, and they're fine with it.

However, I started to realize how it was uncomfortable for me when the teachers called on me, and then later referred to me with ""she"". It didn't feel right. It was then I knew that I'm definitely not a girl. And then a few weeks ago, I decided to tell a few teachers.

Coming Out

Social Studies

The first teacher I decided to tell was my social studies teacher. She is also the one who teaches the Race and Identity course at our school, so I figured she would be understanding. After class one day, I went up to her desk with two of my friends behind me. I basically in a very nervous manner said ""Right now I'm in the process of switching from she/her pronouns to they/them, so if it isn't too much trouble would you mind using those for me?"" The next thing she did was smile. She said she would try her best, and she apologized in advance for if she slipped up. This development gave me the courage to also come out to one other teacher.

French

Next was my French teacher. She had a sticker from the local pride center on her door, and tried to be as inclusive as possible in such a gendered language. I brought it up to her by saying ""In English my preferred pronouns are they/them, so how would that translate into French?"" She said she wasn't sure if there was a gender neutral pronoun in French, but we could both do our research.

Mom

Finally, I also told my mom. My sibling, who has known since the day that first started questioning, was out of the house, and my dad was in another room watching Jeopardy. My mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner. I was thinking to myself that it was now or never. I had accepted myself, di there was nothing left to lose.

For a bit of background, I do tech crew for productions at my school. Most of the people on tech are in some way sort of queer, wether it be gender or sexuality. There are also a few people on tech who use they/them pronouns, and my mom is conscious of that and tried to use them.

Anyways, I started the conversation by opening with mentioning the people on tech. I said that the reason why I know so much about LGBTQ type stuff, is because I identify that way. I told my mom hat I was like the people on tech, and want to be referred to with they/them pronouns.

My mom was quiet for a little bit. She then looked at me and said that she would love and accept me as whoever I am or turn out to be. What's most important to her is that I'm happy, and feel that I can live as myself. She won't however be using my pronouns, because that transition would be too difficult for her. I was sort of expecting that, but I was just happy when she said that she wants me to feel like I can be myself.

The Future
Coming out to my dad will be a different story, which will most likely happen in the distant future.

For now, I'm not quite sure what the future will hold. I think the first steps though are growing to accept who I am a bit more. I am really lucky to be in a situation like this. I'm accepted and loved, and I want other kids to be able to have that opportunity too.

I want to be able to make a change in the world, and I won't be able to that alone. I only got to where I am now with the help of all of those who have supported me up to this point.

I know everyone's story is different, but I hope one day you'll be able to tell your story with pride.