Doubting and devil's music
If I could find the words,
What would they even be?
We're so far gone.
We're so hopelessly reckless and certainly wrecked on the rocks
I said I'd stick around.
Said it again and again.
Now here I am, here you are,
No longer a "we"
No longer Sherlock and Watson
No longer.
Now we are nothing.
Not even friends.
I said I'd be patient,
You said you'd be careful.
Maybe we were tired of the eggshells.
Are we worth it?
I don't want to walk away,
I want to make your life better, not worse.
I've seen your fists,
Bruised and beaten
Black and blue.
That sick feeling in my stomach?
That's from knowing I caused that.
We're back down that road of self-destruction
We must be tough to keep going after all this shit
We destroy each other just to build each other back up, just to destroy each other over again.
You are my insanity and my clarity.
There's too much truth in your angry words.
Can I thrive in this world without you?
I know we're on the edge,
I know I've let you down.
I can't help but hearing your words echoing in my head:
"I didn't ask for your help."
"Why would I ask for it? We're not even friends."
And when I finally stopped it?
"Thanks for finally showing your true colors."
"And to think you had the nerve to call me your friend."
How about this?
I pretend it never happened, at least your happy now.
"I can't believe I was stupid enough to defend you."
Deep breath, 1,2,3,4.
And pause.
And out, 2,3,4.
Another day, another life to ruin.
I'm a destructive shell of myself, according to you.
I'm using my problems as an excuse.
I raise my glass to the good times.
To Sherlock, always uncovering the truth behind my anger
To Kitten, always feisty and yet secretly sweet.
To a puppy turned wolf, from following around the big kids in hopes of being accepted to leading your own pack and being very protective of them.
Today, I finish the bottle.
My last words to you?
I love you, and it will never will stop or pause or discontinue.
