Insecure [rochan]

So

Rowoon walked into the hospital room to see his beloved Chanhee on the bed, still unconscious. 

It hurt his heart so much knowing he put him like this. 

Rowoon looked down at Chanhee, just hoping he'd wake up. 

"Chanhee, I just want to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't make you happy, I'm sorry I can't convince you I'm not leaving, I'm sorry I even started to fight with you, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for even meeting you," Rowoon said, his hand holding tightly to Chanhee's little one. 

Suddenly, the heart monitor stopped beeping at its constant beat and just sang one note. Rowoon's eyes widened as doctors suddenly rushed in and pushed him out of the way. 

"Chani?" Rowoon mumbled to himself as he watched in shock as the doctors tried to revive him, but it was no use. 

Rowoon gasped before jolting up in his bed. It was fine. He was fine. Chanhee was fine. It was just a bad dream.

Rowoon looked at the clock to see it was nine thirty. He wasn't going to school today. He couldn't bring himself to go.  He laid there for a moment and just stared at the ceiling. 

There was a soft knock on the door. 

"Come in," Rowoon said, his voice a bit raspy from just waking up. 

"Hey bud," of course it was Youngbin who said it. "How are you doing?"

Rowoon just glared at Youngbin before turning away from him. 

"Hey, do you want to get some coffee and get Chanhee some flowers and then we can go see him?" Youngbin asked, going over to Rowoon, trying to get him in a better mood. 

"I guess," Rowoon said simply.

"Alright come down whenever you're ready," Youngbin said simply before leaving the room. 

Rowoon let out a sigh before sitting up. He would never be ready.

-

Rowoon entered Chanhee's room with a bouquet of flowers. No one was there, just Chanhee, he was still unconscious. 

Rowoon could barely look at the boy that was laying on the bed so peacefully. 

He put the flowers down and brought a chair over to the side of Chanhee's bed, sitting on the edge, just trying to be as close as he could to Chanhee. 

"I'm so sorry," Rowoon said sadly, feeling a lump in his throat form. "If I hadn't argued with you, you wouldn't be here. We could've been home, cuddling, talking about useless things like we usually do. It's only been a day but I miss you already. Please wake up Chani. I need you to wake up." 

Rowoon let out a sigh, knowing talking was unnecessary. 

He held back tears, he had cried enough about it last night. 

Rowoon just looked at Chanhee, just pleading he'll wake up any second. 

"When you wake up I'm going to get you anything you want. You name it and I'll give it to you," Rowoon said with a sad smile. 

Rowoon sat there for hours, just holding Chanhee's hand, thinking about all the things he did wrong. 

-

"Rowoon hyung, why are you so sad?" Jisung asked with a head tilt, noticing something was wrong with the elder. 

They sat on the floor playing a board game, Rowoon seemed a bit distant the entire time. He kept zoning out and not realizing it was his turn.