White Blood ➵ LotR/Lord of the Rings

iv.

Ninimben clenched her teeth as she spat the last word. Even to this day, her father's actions struck a fierce anger within her. And she felt a hole open within her chest, one that developed for years of seeing the same images play over and over again in her mind, and feel a small part of her die each time, without anyone to open up to to sew that hole closed.

She had only ever had the stars to speak to, however.

Tauriel might understand, but she was dedicated to her duty. Ninimben never felt comfortable speaking her mind even to her closest – and only – friend.

Thorin would, though.

All the Dwarves she hadn't been able to help that day would.

"I argued with him. I couldn't believe we could so easily leave your people behind when your home had been desecrated, when you so obviously needed our aid, when people were dying were hurt." She was speaking to Thorin now. She turned her head and saw that he was now looking her, expressionless, but obviously paying attention. "I screamed at him, demanded we go down to help you. He never relented. He told me he would not risk the lives of our kin – as though our lives meant more than yours!" She ripped a patch of grass out of the ground. "I could not believe what I heard and was ready to draw my sword and enter the Mountain on my own if I had to... But I hesitated a moment too long. He had me restrained and brought back to the forest."

Ninimben looked at the ground, suddenly unable to meet the intensity of Thorin's gaze.

"I wish I had never waited," she whispered. "It has been my biggest regret since that day. Whenever I close my eyes all I can see is the destruction and hear your people's agonised screams. I have never felt so lost. So helpless. I wish now I had never hesitated but run down and helped in any way I could, even if I could just heal your wounded and help your scourge for food. All I've ever wanted to do was be of assistance, to help people in need. And I couldn't help your people."

Nininbem swallowed, her throat feeling thick. She realised she was shaking slightly, just from speaking those words, and finally having the chance to get it off her chest.

"I am truly sorry for the actions of my father," she said softly. "But I am not him. I want us to be able to work together, Thorin. I want to help right this wrong. I want to help you."

Silence hung over them for a long time. Even the world was quiet, not a bird's sound or breeze to disturb them, as though the world itself was holding its breath and awaiting his answer, as though his reaction were imperative to their fate.

"Thank you," he said gruffly, and the world exhaled with Ninimben.

The words were small, and roughly spoken, but Ninimben could feel something shift between them. Some invisible barrier had been crossed, some ice shattered between them, and suddenly they weren't on opposing sides but partners, at the very least. They were now working together instead of apart.

Ninimben smiled and turned into her side, curling into the warmth of the fire. Calm settled over her, pleased she had finally managed to overcome the barrier that existed between herself and Thorin. It wasn't exactly acceptance, but willingness to work together.

She could live with that. For now.

The last thing she saw before she closed her eyes was Thorin watching her as though she was a puzzle he couldn't quite figure out, but wanted to know the answers to.

And the rest of their travels became easier. Over the next week they started to converse – stiffly, at first, as though they had forgotten how to speak – but by the end of the week it shifted from talking about anything strictly business related to where they had visited in Middle Earth. Ninimben even confided in Thorin why she had left Mirkwood, and the manner she'd done so – it had elicited a grunt of laughter from him that seemed to solidify their relationship even more.