~Daily Thoughts~ *TW*

[Untitled] Part 0.0

  Only thirty minutes left, I thought to myself while checking the clock. I was in my last period of the school day, and all I could think about was what I wanted to do when I got home, to be more specific what I wanted to end when I got home. My friends started to laugh about something so snapped back into reality and started to laugh with them even though I had no idea what they were laughing at. "Hey do you want to hangout out today?" friend 1 asked friend 2. "Sure," responded friend 2. "I want to hang out too," I blurted out. "Okay we can all hang out," said friend 1. I smiled at the thought of having fun together, but the smile quickly went away once my thoughts of being home crept back into my mind. 

Class ended and I was freed to get my bag and my other things ready to go home. I walked out to the buses with my friends, but we all parted our ways since none of us rode the same bus. I sat in my normal seat, alone as usual, and more thoughts poured into my mind. The thoughts now were of how many pills I was going to take. If I take four that probably won't be enough, so let's amp it up to twelve, actually why not just the rest of the bottle. It was as though I had more than one voice in my head, each shouting over the other, and I realized that none of them were truly mine. Nothing is truly mine anymore. 

 I got off the bus and walked down the street that my house was located on. The normal two minute felt like an hour, one foot in front of another. I was at the end of my driveway questioning if I even wanted to finish the walk and go in the house or just run away now, but of course, my mind pushed me forward and I went into the house. Once I entered the front door my parents greeted me, "how was your day?" "Terrible." I rushed into my room without even setting down my bag. Let's just get this over with. I texted my close friends and told them cringey things like, 'I'm so sorry,' and, 'goodbye.' I picked up a water bottle that I randomly found on my bedroom floor and the pill bottle. Before downing the pill bottle I gave my bedroom one last look. Looking at all of the posters of my favorite singing groups made me get a familiar feeling, but of course, it didn't last. I opened the pill bottle and swallowed every single one with just a small amount of water. 

 After that, I just laid back and watched the back of my eyelids. Just a few moments after laying there my abdomen started to feel like it was being curled up, but I knew that it was only temporary. Then I didn't feel anything at all. I felt what I thought was my last breath on my lips. 

*3 hours later*

I felt a huge puls rush through my body, and I was alive again. I was laying on a hospital bed getting rushed into a surgery room. I took a huge breath and started to cry, not because I regret trying to die, but because I failed. "Honey, you are okay, you will make it I'm sure of it," my mom said to try to console me. I looked her straight into to the eyes, "I don't want to make it."