Alone

The last time my mom was present

We were at dinner eating at the only restaurant open past seven pm on a weekday. We started with a large plate of nachos covered in olives, salsa, tomato, cheese, pepper and sour cream that we ended up sharing. We both ordered one but they were so big that we sent mine back. I picked everything but the olives and sour cream off and set it on a small plate which, strangely, my mother used as a dipping sauce for her already very flavourful nachos. I laughed and mocked her for wanting so much goop in her nachos (which she returned when she mocked me for getting pineapple on my pizza). We laughed at nothing and everything as we shovelled chips into our mouth. Mid laugh I saw that Leo had walked in with his Mom and we called them over to join us. The moms shared the rest of the plentiful plate of nachos while Leo and I laughed about things people were eating or doing. Once our food arrived we dove right in. Leo and I shared that pineapple pizza of mine we just upgraded the size and our Moms both got a big-beef sandwich filled to the brim with strange things to put in your sandwich, like pickles. After our differing meals, Michelle, Leo's mom treated us to ice cream. As always Leo and I got a simple vanilla ice cream with a mixed berry syrup and purple and blue sprinkles. Our parents however chose the craziest combinations with opposing flavours and colours. We laughed all the way back to our part of the town about how strange each others ice creams were, each person thinking theirs was the best.

That night while I lay in my bed at home, I thought of how I might remember this evening in four years when I turned sixteen or in six when I turned eighteen. I smiled at the thought that I had such a special night with my mom and best friend. I also had a thought about my best friend and how maybe he was more. I stopped my mind there though wanting not to ruin what we did have. Besides, I was twelve, what did I know about love?

I knew that I had a home filled with love and that my parents were in love. I knew that Leo's parents weren't. I knew that someday I hoped to find love, true love, like the Disney princess kind. Now I know I won't get that. Maybe because of me, maybe because I just wasn't meant to be loved, who knows. What I do know though is that I want to be friends with Leo again and I want Tanner back, but neither of those things will happen, so I'm out of luck.

At that age I felt so loved and not alone in the least. I felt like I had so many friends and a huge family and a world that was at my fingertips. Now, five years later, I feel un-loved and alone and trapped in this little town of Sweetlake. Maybe it'll change but it's up to fate to decide.