One Fucked Up World

Chapter Eight

     "She was busy that morning, and she asked me to stay in the house. Something wrong with the pot orders. I, um. I thought I'd do some reading, but I missed granddad. I sneaked out," Harry said softly, "I was really scared that day if the police would arrest me for being alone in the street. I was nine. I tried so very hard to remember the road to here, I am good with directions."

     Harry put my hand on his and he stroked my fingers, he went on. "He was sitting right there," He glanced at the armchair. "You can try to picture his face. Really thin and pale. There was a metal in his hands. It was his dad's, got it after the Second World War. We buried the metal next to him later. I called him name," Harry said. "I called him for so long and he wouldn't move. I was so stupid and I thought he fell asleep! I ran back to the town two hours later."

     "Hey," I whispered.

     "He was all I had," Harry said. "I can't ... connect to mum. She's always in the house and with me but she doesn't want - I mean, she's not really with me sometimes. Exactly like you - listen and not tell me anything."

     "I'm sorry."

     "Granddad was the only man I knew," Harry said. "He always talked about my dad."

     "Where's he?"

     "Up there I hope," Harry said."He died when I was little. It was a car crash and he shielded my mum," Harry moved the iron box closer. I tried not to flinch for Harry's sake. It was a serious moment for him. "Granddad called him Kevy all the time. His name was Kevin Wonder."

     "How old were you?"

     "Almost five."

     I realised it was the first time he talked about his father. How Harry thought of me became a great deal suddenly.

     It hadn't been my business whether Harry had a dad before. I was selfish and self - centred - there was no denial here. I thought of those time chasing after Don for ridiculous reasons and I detested myself when Harry kissed my cheek.

     "It must be difficult," was all I could say.

     "Worse," Harry's tone was lifeless. "Looking at his photos is fine. Just like how you read books. But knowing that he's here - to watch me to, like - grow and graduate or shout at me - it sucks. I am not going at describing things -"

     "You're awesome today."

     " - but it's hard to remember that he's been in my life."

     I sat between Harry's legs, putting his arms around me. I felt him dropping his head on my shoulder. I let him hold me and kiss me.

     "I really like you," he muttered, "I'd beat up someone for you if I have to. You look so tough and strong and that's what I want to be. So I have to stick with you."

     A dark shadow hanged around me when Harry told me he loved me. The shadow grew. I was a poison in Harry's life.

     "I was hurt by Max's friend, and that's why I can't trust his friends. Any of his friends," I made it up. It felt more like a completed story than how the truth sounded.

     "This place can be our escape, you know. If you're scared or you want to be alone," Harry said.

     I smiled at him, and I sincerely meant it this time.

     Christmas passed sooner than I had expected. Harry liked the book I bought him. He gave me a pair of earrings. They were not very pretty but I had been wearing them every time we went out. Max made a low - budgeted Christmas dinner. Sometimes he would bring free food from the hotel back home.