We're all now in our tents. I'm kinda glad that everyone has to be sleeping in there own tent alone because I wouldn't wanna have to share it with some I don't like. But I also wouldn't mind sharing it with Josh. I don't mean having sex with him. I'd love to cuddle, sounds so cliche.
I'm laying down, listening to music. Just thinking about life. I may have a home, a family, and one friend but even people who have all those things can be depressed. Society can be so cruel. I remember the first time I self-harmed...
I walked with my head down, gripping onto my binder. People had found out what Nathan and me had done and that he just dropped me. They've been calling me things like "Slut!", "Whore!", "Ugly", "Trash", "Fat", "Prostitute", and many more.
All my friends are ignoring me and giving me dirty looks, well most of the school has been doing that. Even my ex-"BFF" ditched me. Me and her have been friends sense 7th grade and she just does that. I could never forgive her but I doubt she'll ask for forgiveness.
This week has been absolute hell. I hate everyone, but especially myself. I'm so stupid for falling for him like that.
The day has passed. I'm in my bathroom looking at myself in the mirror with disgust. Everyone is right, I am fat, ugly, annoying and horrible.
I can't help but let tears fall down my cheeks. I'm weak. I'm broken. I'm worthless. I look for the nearest sharp item around. I find a blade in the cabinet and stare at it. I bring my wrist to my sight and slice a line. I cry harder and harder. Again. Cry. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. I let the blade fall to the tile floor while small dots of blood fall onto the ground. I slide down the bathroom door crying the hardest I've ever have.
"What am I?" I asked myself, "A monster."
I cry at the memory. I am a monster. I would cut right now but I forgot my blades. I sob endlessly into my pillow not wanting anyone to hear. The only sound I hear is the song "Roger Rabbit" By Sleeping With Sirens coming from my earphones.
I try another way of self-harming by scratching my wrist. I cried myself to sleep.
**
"Get up! Get up! Happy campers!" Mrs.Olivia sounded very bubbly.
"Ugh!" I dig my head into my pillow
I got up and gathered my things that ill need to take a shower!!. I walk to the public showers. I strip down my clothes. I wash my hair and body.
I get out putting on a ruffly white crop top and a pair of high-waisted shorts. I put on a bunch of bracelets to hide my cuts. I put my hair in its regular half-up, half-down duo.
After I'm done I put my things away and clean up my sleeping bag and my things that were scattered around the floor.
"Hey Ari" Josh flashed me a nice smile poking his head inside because boys weren't allowed in the girls tents.
"Heya!" I smiled back getting out and zipping up the tent
"Last night was horrible! My back hurts so much because of those uncomfortable sleeping bags." He pats his back
"Same here." I whisper to myself
"What?" Josh obliviously didn't hear me clearly
"Nothing. Lets get going!" I said referring to the breakfast were suppose to be having even though I didn't want any.
Me and Josh both got oatmeal, an apple and milk. I only ate a bite of my apple, 2 small spoons of oatmeal and 1 drink of milk.
"I don't want any. I'm full." I threw away my trash
"Are you sure? You only ate a little." He sounded worried which made me blush
"No it's okay. I'm just not that hungry." I sit there with my hands on my lap
"Okay. But if you get hungry just ask!" He offers
"Okay, thanks." I half-smile
After everyone's done eating we all have to go on a canoe. We're suppose to be going 2 times around the lake.
We all get into a seat in a canoe. Josh and I sit to the far end.
"Isn't this a blast?" Josh sarcastically says as we start moving
"Oh, the best!" I follow along and laugh
"So what are you plans this summer? Sense school is almost over." He asked
"Probably gonna go visit family in Florida. Stay at home like always and watch stuff on netflix. That's pretty much it." I described my every-year summer
"That sounds not so fun."
"Well i know but at least ill go visit family." I found the positive thing of summer
"You should come with me and my friends to my parents beach house at Crystal Cove. We're staying there for the 2 first weeks of July. It'll be fun!" He encourages me
"Sounds fun! I'll have to ask my momma. But are you sure? I wouldn't wanna intrude." I ask
"Absolutely not! I'd love to have you there Ari." He smiles
"Okay ill ask." I chuckle a little over his adorableness
Hey guys! Just to let you guys know that Josh isn't played by anyone famous. You can imagine him as anyone you'd like. That's why I didn't put Jai or anyone famous that's hung out with Ari. Well ily guys! Thanks for reading! <3 :)
Ch. 6
Start from the beginning
