How to Love ✔️

06 bad habits

Like I promised Katie I would.

I got distracted by a red dress, tempting lips and a sultry smile.

The girl they belonged to was the most tempting of all.

A girl that couldn't look me in the eyes now without recoiling.

I forced myself off the chair and grabbed the magazine, throwing it into the trash. I made my way down to the lobby and checked out, returning the room key and ignoring the way the woman smiled too brightly at me.

I walked to the nearest flower shop and smelt roses, daises and every other flower whose name I didn't know. They all smelt the same, anyway. I picked the most colourful bunch, asked the older woman standing behind the counter to place them in a bouquet, then handed her the cash.

She smiled at me. We both ignored the way my hands shook.

The closer I got to the hospital, the worse they trembled. I watched the flower's petals fall to the sidewalk, leaving a trail behind me through the busy streets. I regretted getting the colourful ones. They stood out too brightly against the concrete.

My last time visiting Katie had been two months ago. It was to say goodbye before I left for college. My mom sat in the chair in the corner of the room, crying. My dad stood by the door, shaking his head. I held her hand and said goodbye, convincing myself that Katie would want me to go back to school instead of sitting by her bedside and waiting for a day that may never come.

I walked to the elevator that day and froze when the doors opened and Eden walked out. I hid behind the vending machine and watched as she walked into my sister's hospital room and placed her arm around my mom's shoulder.

I almost went back to say goodbye to her.

Almost.

That was why I dropped out of college two months into my second year and came home. For Katie. For my family. They needed me. I needed me. And I haven't felt like myself in a while.

Eden. Her name popped into my head, then her face. First those big eyes, then her long hair. It always did, ever since that fucking kiss. I pushed the memories down by habit. She wasn't the reason I came back, I wasn't that selfish.

I was also a good liar.

The hospital loomed over me and I felt so small. It was terrifying, knowing Katie was in there, alive, but not really. I just wanted her eyes to open so I could tell her I was sorry. That I would try better now. That I'd protect her this time.

This was when my heart began to ache and my feet forgot how to move. It happened every damn time, and today was no different. I sat on the bench and lit a cigarette, a shit habit that was the only way I could ease the guilt.

My lungs were starting to fill and deflate at a regular rate when the hospital doors opened and Eden walked out, taking my breath away for a whole new reason.

The cigarette almost fell from my mouth as I stared at her, at the wind blowing her long brown hair around her face, eyes squinting into the sunlight. And I wanted to be back in that closet, kissing her. Touching her.

"Eden!" I called before I could stop myself.

She turned to me and recoiled, eyes opening wide. Even though I expected it, it still hurt.