This bounces between the life of a Teenage Drama Queen named Aspen with a head spinning imagination and a tough life and the Aspects I've turned into characters in their own little world. Lots of emotion and not for the faint of heart.
Mostly just a...
Note to Reader: I'm sorry. Feeling like crap. Thought I'd dump it on a platform where not many people will see it and get worried. Sorry. Kind of an AU thing I guess. I'm sorry.
Warnings: Suicide. Topic.
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Step one: you say we need to talk.
Fingers wrapped around my upper arm. Defensively, I pulled my arm away but then it registered that the touch meant there was another person and I immediately plastered on a friendly smile, turning to face who had reached out to me. One of my hands rose to gently maneuver one of my earbuds out of my ear. I smiled as I recognized the friendly face. "Hey, Reg."
Regina Blu, one of my best friends, smiled back at me. "Hey, Ree. You okay? You seemed really quiet today..."
Ree. The nicknamed warmed my heart. All of my friends just called me Hari, but Regina had to be different and special, so she got her own nickname that didn't remind me of my full name. Ree. It made me warm inside, the only comfort I'd had recently. She deserved comfort and happiness too. She didn't deserve to worry about me. "Me?" I asked innocently, as if confused. "I'm fine, Reg. I always am." I smiled brightly but she looked unconvinced.
Quizzically scanning my face, Reg took my hands in hers. "You know you can tell me anything right, Ree? Really, I'm here for you. And I've seen you in class. Falling asleep. Zoning out. Doodling mindlessly. All you do these days is write your stories and draw and you hardly ever look up. You never even talk in class. Miss Sunshine is... cloudy."
A laugh bubbled up from me, genuine and warm, which seemed to put Regina at ease a lot. "I'm just really tired, hun," I cooed. "But thank you for the concern. I've been stressed about school and haven't been sleeping well. You know I get hard on myself for no reason." Reg nodded, her eyes seeming to scream, 'you have no idea' which made me smile a little more.
Nodding, satisfied, I turned to walk away. "I love you," Regina rushed. "See you tomorrow?"
My smile faltered and I got the sudden urge to turn and snap at her, 'no you don't, you liar. You don't even know what love is.' Instead, forcing a smile as my eyes welled up with tears so suddenly I surprised myself, I forced out a clear, calm, "I love you too, sweetheart." And then I forced myself to calmly leave the school, get into my car, and drive at a regular pace until I was well out of sight from the school. Once I was, my hands tightened on the wheel until my knuckles were white and 5e tears started falling.
What the heck is WRONG with me? I mentally snapped at myself. I am fine.
I have to be fine.
With that, I took the rest of the drive home to compose myself before plastering on another too-fake smile and getting out of my car, getting ready to face my parents.
I'm fine. I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine. I'm fine.
I said it until I believed it. If I believed it, they would too. That's all that mattered.
