Live

TO INFINITY

   You know I never really thought much about life but, today I realized it comes in so many different ways, shapes and forms. Its funny how you can take so many things for granted but then when you turn around you see how much they really mean and so many people don't realize that. 

    My name is Kay I'm a teenager just like a lot of you here and the truth is I have cancer.  This is just some of my story, my journey into infinity. I still have a long way to go but, here I am and here I go.

   I was diagnosed last year with leukemia in October of 2013, I was only in my second year of high school (Sophomore). I was on the tennis and dance team. I wasn't popular, but I was known and it was nice to be noticed for my achievements.One day after a was diagnosed my parents thought it would be a good idea to have me around people my own age going through similar situations, just for I could talk freely. I will admit I was well frustrated they decided this without me. I mean it's my life, right? Of course I lost that argument and begrudgingly was forced to go to the hospital's CoSg (Circle of Support group), meaning I was virtually screwed in to listening to everyone's sob story...including my own.

   I'll admit I hated the whole group thing at first and I'd come home lock myself in my room and scream into my pillows. I'll also fess up to the fact that I've been to my support group and it was awkward and sometimes to sad to bare, occasionally you walk in the room realized someone that sat right next to yesterday is gone and not coming back ever again. On these occasions I cry, and scream. But in these groups I think this were made some of my very best friends. I try to face everyday with a smile because I don't want to be known as a girl who was sick I want to know as me and only me. I'm probably not the only one who thinks like that though.

   A lot of people are probably thinking things off along the lines of, "Don't look at me like I'm sick, look at me like the way you've always looked at me!" What I can tell you from my experience people always look at you different, they won't see you the way you want to be seen. You'll be viewed as, "the sick, the dying" I can tell you this now I don't think a single one of us wants your pity, at least I know I don't. I've had enough to last a lifetime and beyond...

    Extraordinarily (not really since my friends kidnapped me considering I was feeling pretty good) I saw the movie, The Fault in Our Stars and I realized how true it is! I mean it really proves even though you might be sick you don't have to be sick you know? You can live like you've never lived before! It can be beautiful you can be anything you wanted to be, can go anywhere you want to go! 

   What I want to tell you all something I've never told anyone, I used to be scared that one day I'll wake up and I wouldn't be where I am today I won't be able to see my parents and my siblings any more in this realm. But now that I think about it I don't think this it's that scary. Just as the book and movie states, you don't have to be loved by a lot of people, but that if you're loved deeply that's more than enough. 

   I'm not so scared anymore but the fact remains there's a lot of things I wanna do. Like visit all 7 continents, graduate high school and college, ride a roller coaster without crying and many others. Most of all I would like to know that one day when my family and friends wake up and realize I'm no longer here I want then to know I never regreted a day spent with them. I was happy to see them every single day and I love them deeply, truly and unconditionally. They make my hair gray and drive me crazy but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have 3 older siblings as well as 2 younger, I have amazing parents and friends (some of which I met in the hospital and support groups)that encourage and support me through everything. they were there when I lost my hair, when I fell down and brake bones, they give me strength when I feel like I can't go on but they don't give up on me...what more could a person ask for? 

   I want you guys to promise me something, make everyday count and never regret it. People will never know who I was, who I am, or who I was going to, or perhaps who I'll become. I won't be remembered and that's okay because, I'll be remembered by the ones that really mattered that's better than anything in my books. Don't get me wrong the big "GOODBYE" is freaking terrifying but maybe it isn't goodbye, it could just mean "see you later..."

   I want to see the world and meet thousands more people, but if I'm not able to do that anymore I want you to know it's not the end is the beginning... 

   So don't be scared and don't worry, because everything's okay you're not alone in this world, keep your head up be strong smile don't forget. your stories worth telling, even if you don't think it is because you won't be forgotten or igbored at least, not by me.

   " Okay..."

"Okay..." is another book reference! Read the book/see the movie. Live your brilliant and uniquely extraordinary life!

       

                ~XOXO MusicalAria