Tomorrow Holds Such Better Days

Welcome To My Life

I walked to a man standing in the boys locker room, looking anywhere besides the changing boys. People at my old school assumed by the way I looked that I was gay, and would accuse me of staring as the guys around me got dressed and then again in the shower. Shaking my head to get the memory out of my mind, I started to talk. “Hello sir, I’m a new student. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing right now.”

                The teacher just stared at me for a really long time, and I started to panic. Do I look weird? Do I have something in my teeth? What is wrong? Finally the teacher asks to see my schedule and I handed it to him. I watched his face as a range of emotions passed across it, first annoyance, then recognition, and then annoyance again.

                “Alright son, you’re going to be in my class and I’m Mr. Jackson. Since you didn’t bring clothes, you can go to the office and buy them now. We will be in the main gym, starting our basketball unit. Take this pass and be back within ten minutes,” Mr. Jackson said. I could already tell he was going to be a horrible teacher. I took a hall pass and walked down to the office to buy my clothes. I was actually relieved I didn’t have to change at the same time as the other guys, because it kept rumors from being started on my first day.

                I walked into the office and talked to the lady at the front desk that I talked to this morning. “Hello ma’am, I was wondering if I could purchase some gym clothes. I didn’t bring any with me, and Mr. Jackson wants me to get some for today,” I said nervously. The old lady smiled, and she reminded me of a grandma. Her face was warm and inviting and she handed me my clothes and collected my money. I was lucky I carried a few extra dollars around with me just in case.

                I got back to the locker room and changed quickly, but I stopped and glanced at my left arm. I frowned, and threw on the school hoodie over my PE shirt. I walked out to the gym, irritated that I had to start school at the start of basketball season. I’m bad at all sports, but basketball has always been hard for me. I get too overwhelmed with making sure my feet are moving the right way and I’m dribbling correctly that I don’t watch out for the other team. Luckily today we were just doing drills however, and I paired up with a scrawny kid who couldn’t pass to save his life.

                When PE was over I walked to the locker I was assigned to and kept my eyes down as I changed.  At my old school, if I looked up for a second I was called a fag. One time, I was changing and one of the guys who had a locker next to me decided to ask, “Hey Anthony, doesn’t Neil have a huge penis?” Of course I turned around to confront the person who asked me the question, but I was assaulted with accusations of knowing the size of his penis, and wanting to look at it more closely. I was close to tears and my mom had to come get me.

Thankfully today no one paid any attention to me, so that was nice. The rest of the day past uneventfully, and I went to English and science for my last two periods. I didn’t recognize anyone in those classes, and I was starting to wonder what the chances of getting more than one class with a person were in a school this large.

 I was beyond relieved when I got on the bus to go home. Not that I like riding the bus, just the idea of not being at this school anymore sounded fantastic. I couldn’t wait until I was sixteen in a few months so I could finally drive myself to school. The bus was especially bad for me because I still had to sit alone. The only person I really talked to this whole day besides teachers was the girl I bumped into in the hallway.

I walked home from the bus stop in the rain, still not used to the dramatic weather change. When I got home I ran upstairs to change out of my wet clothes into something warm. I put on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt and sat down to do my homework.  Everyone has always made fun of me for being studious, but I am so worried about getting into college that I can’t help it. My last therapist said I had a severe case of anxiety which was caused by bullying. It affects everything I do and how I live my life.

                At 9:30 I decided to just take a shower and go to bed and hope that tomorrow goes a little bit better.