The next night, Azriel returned to his perch in the shadows next to Elain's window. It was hardly midnight, and this time her chair was perpendicular to the window.
Tonight, there were no sobs.
Azriel waited. He would be there all night, even if he stood no chance at fighting the demons of the past that haunted the woman who could see the future.
No sobs came.
He remained; it was even darker tonight, the moon not even a sliver in the sky.
No sobs; a sound.
"You can come in," Elain said. If not for the perfect silence of the night he almost would have missed her words.
"You can see me?" he said with mild surprise. That was... unusual.
A dry laugh, almost more of a cough. "I see a great deal more than most expect. Maybe I can't see in the shadows, but your presence is unmistakable."
Azriel emerged from the dark, perched on the window sill with his legs on the inside of Elain's chambers. Behind him, his wings slowly extended, enjoying the night air. A silent question hung on his lips.
"I know you were here last night as well."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
She didn't look at him. "I wasn't much for talking."
"If you had told me to leave, I would have. Or now." The words weren't quite a lie. He would if she asked; he had no desire to make her uncomfortable. But it would not be easy, not after he'd heard her pitifully muffled sobs, powerless to stop them, one after another.
She still did not look at him. "I... did not mind your presence."
The silence came between them. Not the same quiet the rest of Velaris enjoyed, not the peaceful one. It simply... was.
"Was it a bad dream?" Not that she seemed to have slept.
Elain shook her head. As the silence stretched on, Azriel began to wonder if she would answer.
"Dreams... it's never dreams, never anything different from reality. Every time. I close my eyes and it's always a perfect rendition of reality, exactly as twisted and demented as it was the first time I lived it. It be easier. But it never is."
She turned her head at the end to Azriel. There was nothing imploring in her gaze, no silent desire for contradicion. Just a gaze that had seen all the worst their world had to offer. The shadowsinge returned her look.
"I... I have seen and done a great many things. There are few I regret, and none are acts I've done in the defense of this court. I told Rhys I would be his spymaster, and every day I am glad to serve him in this way. But I've partaken in more horrors than I could have conceptualized five centuries ago. I've watched countless more from the shadows, having to watch brutal cruelty, powerless to stop it as the spymaster. That is my duty.
"And in this tentative peace, I tell myself it is worth it. The shadows, the screams, the blood on my blade. But at night... "
"But at night..." Elain murmured.
"At night, I'm left awake, surrounded by thoughts of all I've seen and wonder if it's all worth it. After five hundred years, it should get easier. But it never has."
The silence that engulfed them was the silence of two people who had more lived more nightmares than they could dreams.
"It truly never gets better?" For a moment, her gaze was imploring, begging Azriel to tell her a lie she could believe. A lie some powerful faerie could turn into a truth.
"I can only tell you of the past. What do you see in the future?"
A sigh. "Nothing. Only more of this."
Azriel turned and looked to where the moon should have been. "This is a dark night."
Elain followed his gaze. "It is. It's empty."
"No, not empty. It's full of shadows. Many hold nightmares, or worse, the horrors you and I have seen. But tonight... I will be one of those shadows. And should you want or need anything, you know where to find me."
A small nod.
Azriel turned to the outside, and as if he was part of the night he slipped away again.
