My Best Friend Is Straight

The End

"Here," Hannah gave me a tissue, I blew my nose unceremoniously in it. I took a shaky breath before continuing.

"I don't understand, why is it always him? Why is it always by his hands that I wake up? Why do I wake up in his arms, screaming and sweating? Why?" I almost screamed the last few words, but Hannah didn't seem to mind.

"I take this as if you are reliving an old trauma," she said solemnly. I stared at her.

"A trauma?"

"Yes, most likely something that happened a few years ago." She was looking at her notes as she spoke. She didn't see me paling.

"Five," I croaked out. She glanced at me.

"Five?"

"Five years. It was five years ago. I was 17," I whispered. Hannah closed her notebook and gave me all of her attention.

"What happened five years ago?" she asked me softly. Somehow I had the feeling that she already knew.

"I-I..." my voice got caught in my throat, and a soft silence fell over us. Hannah sat patiently as i struggled with my words. "I was almost raped. Twice," I whispered, the tears gathering in my eyes slowly trailing down my cheeks.

"By the same person?" she wondered softly. I shook my head so hard that I almost thought I would get a whiplash.

"N-n-no. By... by my boyfriend and my bully," I whimpered out. Another tissue appeared in front of my face. I shakily grabbed it and blew my nose again. "Eric didn't really try to rape me... I mean he was drunk! He wasn't aware of he was doing! He couldn't help it-"

"Lucas, you're defending his actions. That might indicate that you know what he did was wrong, but you don't want to make him into the bad guy," Hannah explained, still using that soft, almost patronizing voice.

"B-but I love him! I always have," I tried to defend myself. To my surprise, Hannah smiled.

"I know you do. I don't doubt that for even a second. Is it okay if I give you a theory of my own?" she asked me. I nodded slowly, wiping my face with yet another tissue. "I believe that Eric didn't want to hurt you, but is he aware of what he did?" she asked, I shook my head. "The bully, he probably made a worse impact as you already knew him as a bad guy, but as he mimicked your boyfriend, even if unintentional, your brain keeps drawing associations between the two of them." I considered what she had told me. It made sense. Right? Even if I didn't blame Eric, he had still done it, and less than two months later he had done almost the same thing.

"What should I do?" I whispered. Hannah smiled again and stood up.

"My advice to you is simple: talk to him. If he loves you even half as much as you love him he will understand." She walked behind the desk and picked up a small card. When she was in front of me again, the card was held out in front of her. "Call me if you need more advice, but I believe that you'll figure this out on your own."

Later that same day I was seated on our balcony, glaring at a bird that seemed to have gotten hooked on chirping non-stop. I hated the sound of chirping. It always woke me up in the mornings and I couldn't for my life understand how some people could find it soothing.

I glanced at my watch; 5:32 pm. Eric should be home soon. I tipped back on my chair and glared at the balcony above ours instead. Some weed were growing out of a crack in the cement. Life really finds its way everywhere.

"I'm home!" a familiar voice called from the inside of the apartment. I let the chair tip back even further, glancing through the windows. I could just barely see Eric in the hallway, struggling to take off his shoes. The chair thudded loudly as all four legs hit the floor again. I stood up and stretched, letting some of the kinks in my back pop satisfyingly. Just as I turned around to walk inside again, Eric peeked out of the door and grinned at me. He held out his hand in a gentleman manner for me.