Bully|tk

2| i'm far too gone

Or am I, really?

The hesitation in my heart, did not show, as I scoffed, in response. "Nice one, Jimin. That was funny. But you all know that I'm over that son of a bitch."

They all winced, when I cursed again.

"But...Taehyung...if you were over him, why are you still like...this?" Hoseok asked, gently.

I narrowed my eyes, "like what? Hurting people? Cursing? Acting like someone completely different from my past self?"

A sigh came from Yoongi, and he gave me a glare. "Yes, Taehyung. That's what we, fucking, mean. You used to be innocent and happy all of the time, If you are truly over Jungkook, then why are you still so sullen and moody? Why are you still shrouded in darkness?"

Heated, boiling, anger rushed through me. I got up from the table, clenching my fists, to keep them from striking someone, and doing something I'd regret later. I scowled, at my friends.

They didn't deserve this.

But, I was angry.

And I was pathetic.

Because, a little part of me still wishes for Jungkook to come back, and to love me. No. A huge part of me wishes for him to come back and love me.

Yet, the question is if he does, will I ever forgive him?

Probably not.

"The way I am, now, no longer concerns that jerk," I growled. "He no longer affects my life, so how I am now is what I want to be. End of discussion."

With that being said, I spun on my heel, and marched away, not even sparing a look backwards. Even when Jimin called for me to come back, I stomped away, and out into the empty hallway. I took a turn, and walked to the back of the school, where there were no cameras to catch me. I pulled out a pack of cigarettes, and took out my lighter.

I lit the cigarette, and breathed in the nicotine, letting it calm me. Blowing out a huge puff, I leaned my head against the wall, and closed my eyes. But, when I closed my eyes, all I could see was him. I hated that I still wanted him. I hated that I've descended into this hell, because of him, but I still wanted him to come back to me, and to make me go back to what I used to be.

Happy, carefree, bubbly.

Now, my emotions have shut off. I'm incapable of love, at this point. Or so I thought.

Sure.

I can fake happiness and I can crack a joke here and there.

But, really, the only emotions I can show are very limited.

I think I've forgotten how to smile, sincerely.

It's all because of him.

But, I can't keep blaming Jungkook for putting me in this state. I'm to blame, as well. I was so foolish not to read the signs, and was foolish to let him affect me like this.

I'm a pathetic creature, really.

I took another long drag from my cigarette, before dropping it, and stomping on it, with the sole of my black boot. I held up my lighter, and flicked it, and watched the flame flicker and wave.

Fire is really mesmerizing, really. It's beautiful in a dangerous, hellish way.

It's a twisted kind of beauty.

I let go of the switch, snuffing out the flame, and pocketed the lighter.

Slowly, I trudged out of my hiding spot, and glared at the ceiling, when the bell rang, signaling that lunch was over. "Half a day left," I sighed, wearily.

I shoved my hands into my pockets, and headed towards my next class. It was all a blur, to be honest.

The students walking past me, hurrying to their next period. The posters decorating the white walls. The teachers bustling about, papers in hand. It was all blurry, and out of focus.

Warily, I plopped down in my seat, waiting for my literature teacher to come back from her lunch break. As always, I'm the first one in class.

I no longer have the need to stay outside and talk to my friends. I don't have anything worthwhile to distract myself with, so I could stay out of the classroom.

The teacher, Ms. Yoo, the youngest in the staff, walked into the class. She tucked her hair behind her ear, and walked up to my desk. I looked up at her, frowning slightly.

"Are we meeting up after school today?"

My heart was screaming at me. Telling me that what I was doing was wrong.

But, my mouth said something different.

I smirked, and nodded. "Let's go to your house, this time, hmm?"

Her cheeks grew rosy and flushed, before she cleared her throat, and headed back up the isle, and returned to her desk.

You're making a mistake! My conscience echoed a whisper.

I already knew that.

—

We'll be meeting Jungkook next chapter ;) Ooooh, boy, he's in trouble :p

-Author-nim