Kate the Killer (Jeff the Killer trilogy - part 2)

Not Alone

No words were spoken yet; he just comes beside me and sits down, resting his forearms on his knees and looking ahead. I coulnd't imagine how hard it must be for him to take in. Here he was, a murderer for years and years, and then I come along and ruin his life by getting pregnant with his kid. I always fuck up. It was always me.

"Stop thinking those things."

I look over at him, finding his face hard and stern. His cold gaze was shooting ahead and getting lost somewhere behind the wall. I didn't have anything to say, though. So I remain to myself.

"You just don't get it, do you? Kate, you always think so badly of yourself, and it's really pissing me off to know you think that way. How the Hell would any of this be your fault? Neither of us knew this would happen, and if you believe that someone is to blame for this, it's both of us. Because I'm caught up in this shit just as much as you."

That shut me up.

I still looked downwardly about myself, because I felt bad for bringing this on him. You can't possibly tell me that Jeff is a great father figure.

No, I'm not saying he's not, because I have absolutely no idea how well he deals with children. But if you stay above the surface of the subject, Mr. Killer doesn't exactly scream 'Daddy'.

He had a face that would be horrifying for children, the man kills all of the time, and he's even hurt me and he loves me. He could very well hurt a child too without meaning to do it. Only the child wouldn't be able to handle such an injury as I have. They're too small; too weak. We would lose them, if we were to raise it. That's hard for anyone as it would be for me.

And I'm a killer. How could I be able to deal with such a delicate thing as a baby?

My head begins to spin and I fall into Jeff, my eyes sending trails of little tears down his shirt, and soaking through the fabric. I let each tear fall in silence as Jeff's hands reach over and pet my hair, running his fingers down onto the dip between my neck and shoulder. I close my eyes and try to relax so I could get a grip on myself. I didn't want to lose myself anymore. I was now responsible for another. I couldn't be so selfish.

"What are we going to do?" Jeff asks quietly, stroking my hair with his light fingers.

I open my eyes. "I don't know.... But I do know one thing."

"What's that?"

"I'm keeping it."

I feel him tense in surprise. "W- uh, really?"

I nod. "I think abortions are terrible, and a waste of goddamn money. Well, unless the consequences of knowing the mother or baby would die at birth. But I'm okay. So... I see it cruel and useless."

I know, I know, ironic how a serial killer thinks abortions are horrible. But in my defense, I've never killed a child. I set fire to houses that I know children aren't housed in. The youngest person I've killed in cold-blood was a slutty thirteen year old that was mistreating a kitten. That shit doesn't fly by me. Animal abusers are my favorites to kill.

"And..." I speak up. "You don't have to.... you know..."

Fuck, that hurt to say. I didn't want to go through this alone, and I definitely didn't want to go home to Andrew, or any other person, pregnant with a serial killer's baby. But I wanted Jeff to know I'm not forcing him into being there for the kid. I wouldn't want that either, I suppose....

Jeff moves and makes me face him, softly grabbing my face in his hands and wiping the few tears that still remained on my cheeks. "I'm gonna be there, Kate."