The Alarm

Morning

As I became slowly aware of my alarm ringing, reality slowly began to invade my thoughts till the light of the morning broke me from my slumber. In no way was the alarm a violent noise, in fact it was a cheerful orchestral, Beethoven's symphony number 7 if I recall, but it may have just as well been the screams of a banshee.

The cheerful rises and energetic tones did nothing for me as the memories of my dream slowly fade away into a fiction. The flutes as they try to bring a smile to my face only felt like violent torrents of water ripping at my synapses, reminding me that this is my reality and the reality moments ago was a fleeting dream. A falsehood.

I dragged myself out of my bed taking my phone with me as the melody continues, trying to start my day, trying to move on, trying to forget, forget the warmth that used to wake me up, the slow soft caress and the gentle voice that no orchestra could compare to.

The morning ritual I have done for weeks are still so foreign to me. The single face towel, the unoccupied shower, the missing scent of the suffocating perfume. As I try to brush my teeth Beethoven's orchestra moves onto it's climax as if cheering me to continue my day. To struggle with this meager empty existence and to go down and start the coffee brewer. I gargled the foam out of my mouth, trying to rinse out what the box describes as refreshing mint. I wouldn't have been able to tell if it was chocolate or cherry. Everything still taste of dry arid air, everything still feels empty.

While I ponder that thought I must've walked downstairs as I was sitting in front of the coffee machine trying to remember what was usually added to it. While fumbling with the cream and milk out of the corner of my eye I see a portrait that shouldn't have been here. A photo that was suppose to be long gone... A photo of her.

Walking up to photo slowly I can see that infectious smile on her freckled face, adorned with a tiny dimple just upon her left cheek. The lightly colored hair parted away to show the her eyes glowing with hope. A single solemn tear rolled down my eyes as I become increasingly engrossed with trying to remember her features and then a feeling of despair collapsing onto as I slowly remember none of those feelings I felt, none of the tiny joys of feeling her hair between my fingers, none of her glowing smile, none of it will come back. I reached toward the photo frame one more time and flipped it over, and went back to my coffee.

By now the increasing crescendo of the speakers of Beethoven was climaxing into it's finale. Trying to make mood more light more happy. All it did was infuriate me... how can I be happy. How do I cheer up? How... "WILL YOU SHUT UP!" In a flurry of rage I took my phone and the cup of coffee and flinged it at the wall with all my strength. Denting it and breaking the phones ability to continue. Beethoven's symphony finally stopped and in replacement I was greeted by vengeful silence as I broke down in tears.

Huddled to myself I was crying thinking about what I could've done, thinking about how the coffee she made taste and thinking how much I missed her but just then a familiar voice rang through my ears.

"Honey? What's wrong... was the coffee too bitter?"

I sprung up with a mixture of horror and joy as I stared in front of me... there she was... looking at me. Not horrified by what I done, not judging me for what has happened but trying to console but...

"This can't be... you're not suppose to be here... you were gone." I couldn't make sense of it.

"Are you okay? Maybe you just needs some food to think clearly. Here you go clean up that little mess while I prepare something for us"

As she started the stove making breakfast I felt a wonderful feeling of bliss. Happiness that I was missing that I longed for. The warmth of her voice, the slightly burnt aroma of her cooking. I held back my tears as I walk towards to hug her... but every step I took she went further and further... and then I heard the faint sound of violins, flutes and trumpets...

No...

I ran as fast as I could towards her as I realized what this sound was

No...

Faster...

NO I CAN'T I DON'T WANT TO GO

As I became slowly aware of my alarm ringing, reality slowly began to invade my thoughts till the light of the morning broke me from my slumber. The sound of Beethoven number 7.