Taking Chances

Chapter 40

In the darkness of the hotel room, we both laid in silence, completed sated. I had assumed my usual position, tucked into Nialls side, our legs tangled together while he traced circles on my arm with his index finger. My hand would lightly graze his chest, down his stomach and back up, occasionally tugging on a chest hair just to tick him off.

“Cut it out, babe!” he would scold, giving me a little pinch. “I only have a few and if you pull one out I will be pissed.”

I snuggled in closer, feeling the most relaxed I had in weeks. We were both naked, wrapped up in the sheets of the bed. I loved the feeling of his skin on mine. The warmth of his body radiating through me. If I could only do one thing for the rest of my life, lying in bed with a naked Niall would definitely win out.

OH! Wait, sex. Okay, yeah, sex with Niall would win. Nevermind.

It was nearly three in the morning, but neither of us seemed any closer to sleep. Usually, Niall slept like the dead. It was his favourite thing next to eating. I wondered why he wasn’t asleep yet, the thought fading in and out in mixture with my own reasons for evading rest.

Beyond the fact that the sex had been incredible, I felt relieved. Niall had been distant since the incident with Christian, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t think it was because he viewed me as tainted. The thought crossed my mind more times than I would have liked, contributing to even worse self conscious behavior than I usually exhibited.

Finally, after a lot of silent debating and procrastinating, I decided to ask him.

“Niall?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you a question?” I said, my face still tucked into his side.

He kissed my hair. “Always.”

I paused, trying to figure out the best way to word it. “Promise you wont get mad?”

He stilled, obviously concerned. “That depends on what you’re about to ask?”

“I was just wondering….” Eff, this was harder than I thought. “Why would didn’t want to be with me after….you know.”

He shifted, as if trying to look at me in the dark. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you just seemed so….distant. I don’t know. You hardly touched me. You wouldn’t sleep me with. I just felt like, maybe, you didn’t, I don’t know….”

“Dylan, what are you asking?” he said, his voice even.

I sighed in frustration. “I just felt like you maybe thought of me as tainted or something, after the whole thing with Christian. Like maybe you didn’t want me anymore, because I was broken or something.”

He froze, holding his breath. “Are you serious?”

I nodded against his chest. He pulled away, reaching over to turn on the bedside light. We both squinted against the harsh brightness that flooded the room, as he turned back to me.

“How could you EVER think that?” he asked, slightly angry.

“I told you why,” I countered. “I practically threw myself at you your last night in LA, and you pushed me away.”

He sighed loudly, running a hand through his blonde hair. “Dylan, I told you I was sorry about that.”

“I know you did,” I said. “But you never told me why.”

He looked at me through heavy eyelids, weighing what to say. I felt myself growing more scared the longer he took to speak.

“I just,” he started, running his hand through his hair again. “I didn’t want you to be with me, because of him.”