Ink & Gold Boots

Unashamed

I held out my hand and pretended to count on my fingers.

"One...two...three..." I rattled off the numbers before closing my hand into a fist.

"Oh, that's right, zero." I answered with a forced laugh that I hoped nobody could pick up on. I suddenly felt like the room had gotten warmer or maybe it was just the intensity of everybody's stares.

"Come off it, we don't judge here." Harry scoffed as the rest of the group just continued to stare.

"I'm...not lying." I tried to sound confident but failed miserably so instead took another gulp of my drink, finishing it off.

"You're a virgin?" Sarah's accent seemed thicker or maybe it was just the way she mumbled her words together.

"Yep." I responded casually, adding an extra pop to the 'p'.

"Shit." I heard Harry say under his breath. I didn't dare look at him.

"It's not a big deal. Just...never got around to it." I didn't know why I was trying to explain myself. It wasn't even my turn anymore, if the subject could just change casually...

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Clare asked from the other side of the room.

"Well, yeah. But not in a long time."

"Is it like a 'wait till marriage' type thing?" It's Adam who asked the next question.

"No. The opportunity just never presented itself. It just hasn't happened for me yet." I glanced down into my empty cup, wishing it was full again so I could gulp that down too. I'm not sure why it's so hard for them to comprehend, I had been busy establishing a career for myself and hadn't found anyone that really peaked my interest in a long time.

"Okay, who's next?" Mitch spoke up, breaking the silence in the room and removing his arm off of Sarah. He leaned forward to make some sort of deep eye contact with Harry that I just couldn't decipher. It only lasted a split second before Harry beamed out, "I'll go!"

"Truth or dare?" Mitch asked next but I zoned out before hearing Harry's answer. I wasn't embarrassed about being a virgin, it just didn't happen for me yet and I was okay with that. I was just afraid that maybe my new friends would somehow treat me different. It was no secret that Sarah and Mitch were together and Clare always talked about her boyfriend back home. Not to mention Adam was married with two kids. And of course I also knew about Harry's reputation. I didn't know if any of it was true or false but the evidence was pretty damning.

The rest of the night went by in a blur of laughter and more drinks.

I spent my day off sightseeing with Clare. We usually didn't get the chance when we were constantly traveling to another city every night, but it was nice to not be rushing around for once. I felt like the day went by far too quickly and before I knew it, I was at another venue setting up all the hair and makeup products I would need.

Harry showed up in the green room in a pair of jeans and a ratty t shirt, hair still wet from a shower and plopped down in the chair.

"Hello gorgeous."

He seemed to come up with a different pet name for me every night.

"Thinking a buzz cut tonight, thoughts?" He said this every night, it was a small joke between us that he seemed to like carrying on.

"Perfect. Just what I was thinking." We both laughed while I plugged in the hair dryer and got to work.

It seemed like every time I took a glance in the mirror, Harry was already looking right back at me. He maintained eye contact with me until I gave up first and looked away without fail, every time.