Indian in America

#1

      Monday, February 22, 2018 

  Why are Indian parents so strict? I got a B on my math test! That's it! But no! There goes my laptop, and my phone. Now I can't tell what's happening on Tumblr and laugh at memes. These are basically the thoughts on my mind as my parents tell me to go and study in my room. Yup, that's pretty much life for me! 

  UGGHH!!! I go and flop down on my bed. As a teenage girl, I have these  things every month where my uterus decides it doesn't like itself and sheds its skin, which can give a girl severe mood swings. Oh and guess what?! I happen to be on my period right now! And my parents grounding me doesn't help at all.

  " Hey I heard mom and dad from downstairs, are you okay?" That was my little sister, Nikita. She is one year younger than me, meaning she's in ninth grade, and also a (sort of) reliable source. She is really annoying but she could be a meh sometimes. This was one of those times, which I was kinda grateful for.

  "Yeah everything's cool, it's just that I'm grounded so I'm gonna be using your phone for a while,  kay?"

   " Well yeah but now you'll owe me."

   " Nikki, shut up. My stomach is killing me from the inside so hush it before I start planning 10,000 ways of killing you in my mind," I reply. You don't kid with me when it comes to Tumblr.

   "Okay, okay, yeesh, you can use it for your tumblr or whatever," she says while rolling her eye. She sits on the edge of the bed, with a serious edge to her tone now. I sit up a little straighter. "Listen Rhea, this might not be the best time but I am having some really stupid social problems."

I raise my eyebrow at that. Yahoo having social problems? That is so unlike her. She has no problems making friends. But it also does peak my curiosity. So I motion with my hands for her to go on. "So there is this boy, right? And y'know how we are gonna have the end-of-the-year dance, right? So anyway, he asked me out? But like I really don't like him, but all the people I know want me to go out with that bit-" 

    "Okay, no cursing," I cut her off, " And um don't go with him if you don't like him." See it was that easy. That's why I don't get all the fuss with boys (and girls, mind you. I am no homophobe). If they asked you out, why don't you say what you want? You either like them, or you don't, that simple. 

    Of course, this could be the inexperience of not, like ever, being asked out, speaking for me instead.

    " So, do you have anyone you want to go with, that you think our parents might allow?" I ask wriggling my eyebrows. My sister is really pretty. She could totally pick up anyone. If only she would notice. She has so many insecurities. I guess it must run in the family. 

   I can see she's hesitating. I've never seen her like this before. She looks so open, it's kinda freaking me out. Weird, I think. " Okay, don't laugh at me, okay? Um, I think I um, might not be uh.. straight," She looked strangely vulnerable right now. 

And me? Oh am I so smooth. I laugh. I straight up laugh. 

She looks hurt, and I realize that my reaction could have another meaning.

   "Oh god, I'm sorry, I like totally support you for being gay? -- it's okay if you aren't yet sure and all--  and tell me if you need help with and all that, but you really never realized?" It had strangely been really obvious to me, and I thought she had known, just didn't want to come out, so I hadn't pushed her. "You always, always ran away from boys and when the dating scene started in your group, you just... kinda didn't care. Plus you were always hung up on befriending hot chicks? You really didn't notice, did you?" I said softening my voice. She had tears in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking, and I was thinking it too.

  We are Indians. To my parents, who are generation X but with the thinking of Baby Boomers, they don't even know what 'being gay' is. How will my sister make herself feel accepted? Not to mention our family back in India. They were super traditional, already planning my marriage once I get out of college. Yeah. I am a sophomore in high school and they are over there making suggestions for boys they think I will like cause of his charm, and all that crap.  In India, a lot of people have arrange marriages, where the parent will look for a spouse they think will befit their child. And its all bullcrap. Quite honestly, they don't care much for love, only that they can reproduce to make grand kids. Bleh. I really wanted my sister to accept her sexuality, even though she can be the most annoying female dog. Ever. 

  Anyway, I hug her (because I am totally NOT going to let her know what I am thinking. Obviously. I have a duty as an older sister to protect her for crying out loud) and say," Sshhh, don't cry, okay? You are stronger than tears, and we'll see what we have to do about mom and dad, okay?" She nods her head while looking down. I don't think she likes being vulnerable in front of people. Another thing we have in common, I guess. 

"Now that's enough honesty, and um leave your phone before you leave." Hey, I still need my tumblr.  She hugs me, says good night, and leaves, leaving me to my own thoughts, such as: Nikki can hug?, and wow, it's kinda cool, having a person with a different sexuality in the family, and why my parents had so many beliefs that went against mine. They always told me to be aware of 'blacks' (my dad), and to act like a 'proper lady' (my mom). They told me to watch out for people who I didn't know and don't help out people who are begging for money, because 'it could all just be a scheme to get money from naive people'. It kills me, because I care about the world, and so do my parents but their definition of 'world' is just, so narrow. 

    I get up, thinking why my parents gotta be so weird and antisocial. Oh yeah and I almost completely forgot the fact that my parents discourage me and my sis from dating, especially guys who are not Indian. And the reason I think of this fact, is because the end-of-the-year school dance . Ha, I am a very antisocial person, you see, so no guys think that I am actually worth taking to a dance. Anyway, who needs to date when you have amazing friends, amiright?

   I go to the bathroom, brush, change, and head straight for my amazing bed.