ABSTRACT THOUGHTS ⊳ TWILIGHT

37 | rejected, embry call

that proves it when it was raining hard and he's got nothing to do but to walk and get completely soaked, he saw her with a smile on her face as she reached out to touch the rain although her umbrella shielded her figure from getting wet.

her eyes went to him, but she never offered anything but sent the same hatred glance he had given her from the past months.

so she walked away, with confidence and independence. yet he stood in his ground — tears spilling unknowingly as his heart was suddenly torn into pieces. words couldn't describe as his deranged mind can only do much. his hand wanted to reach out, but his feet was glued on the ground.

he sighed, slightly realizing that the rain is much worthy of getting to touch her. but he's no worth at all.

— 1st Person's POV —
❝ i'm jealous of the wind. ❞
that ripples through your clothes
it's closer than your shadow.

i sighed when i saw her jogging through the sidewalk, earphones plugged on her ears as she smiled when she saw the trees that i happen to notice she loved the most. the nature surrounding her and the changes of weather she seem to love too.

how can she love and aprreciate those things so easily yet she can't even spare a glance at me.

remembering of what i've done, i almost facepalmed as strings of curses fell on my lips. if i wouldn't have been too idiotic and engulfed with my ego then i wouldn't have been suffering. but then it dawned on me —

she suffered like how i'm feeling right now.

i only got to sigh as i looked at her disappearing figure from afar, frustration running over me as i sat down on one of the few benches by the park and thought of all the things that i can do to make her become mine.

but i knew deep down she's not gonne forgive me anyways.

so i left, her figure on my mind only to feel low of myself knowing her clothes can hug her figure securely yet my arms can't.

❝ as i sink in the sand ❞
watch you slip through my hands
oh, as i die here another day, yeah
'cause all i do is cry behind this smile

running my hand through my hair, i stared at you like how i would any other day. liking the way you'd bite your lip in concentration in the middle of reading, or smiling so wide to your friends who had supported you all thoughout.

your deadpanned face whenever your friend would tell a joke and you'd give them a pat on their back to ' appreciate ' their joke followed by a cute laugh.

indeed it made me smile, knowing you're back on yourself picking the pieces of your broken heart that felt like shards of glass whenever you try to put them back. you managed to survive the pain and the wounds that scarred your skin and your heart forever yet you continued your way in life.

it's as if everything is enough for you.

fixing my posture, i happen to glance at my bruised up hands — pouring my anger on different objects does give wounds. although my hands might be of great size, how the hell did you slipped away from my grasp

oh right, because i was too stupid enough to hold you back.

the quick sand i've built with my egotistical and idiotic self, followed by words i've spat about her that was never true. the pain and mess i've made and the sufferings i've put her through choked me all at once and i knew that any time now i might snap and just continue to bury myself alive in that quick sand.