When I Died [ Rammstein ]

Prologue: We used to be happy

From the height of my six years, I loved to watch Christian, my father, play on his favorite instrument; the piano. I sat next to him and amused myself by hearing the sounds that the keyboard's key do, each time his fingers caresses them.

Christian Lorenz was part of a famous rock band known around the world. But the sudden disappearance of the singer had caused the complete destruction of the group. It was Uncle Oliver who had told me about the band when I discovered some records related to Rammstein.

-Katja, come down quickly from your room, darling. I hear Chris's voice. We'll leave in a few minutes.

-I get there right away, dad. I answer, getting up from the small office. Just a minute.

I rest my diary, the first I received as a gift last week from my father, on a bunch of Barbie magazines. I head to the big mirror to see if my clothes are in order. Even when I'm just 10, I like to look pretty like Kira, Uncle Oliver's daughter. It is true that she is two years older, but we are still competing to find out who is the most beautiful.

I put in order the ponytail that attaches my long black hair behind my head, then take a quick glance on my clothes. It's spring, that's why I wear a little blue skirt that comes to my knees with a red blouse like schoolgirls. To be clear, it looks like the outfit that girls wear in school anime.

-I'll go and leave you here if you don't go down when I get to number three. My dad calls again, then starts counting.

I quickly leave my room and jump on the stairs and find him down, one hand raised in the air and two fingers folded. I jump in his arms laughing and he carries me higher then makes me turn in the sky before resting me down.

-You have been slow, Katja. Says the blond. What were you doing, darling?

-Writing on my diary. I answer. Let's go ?

-We'll go to the grocery store first and then I'll take you to the park, okay?

I smile with joy and then hug my father in my arms, before following him in his car. Chris closes the seat belt around me and starts the engine. I watch the shops go both ways, then turn to the blonde.

-Emil will be there with his parents too? I ask him. Will we meet them in the park?

-Yes my darling. Chris answers, ruffling my hair. And you will play all day together.

We finally arrive in the supermarket of the small town where we live and my father parks the car in the parking lot. We take a cart of the long line and then enter shopping store. I enjoy running from one shelf to another to choose with the blond.

This energy makes me forget the worries I had last night, because of the nightmares that I have not stopped seeing for four years. I wonder at the same time if it's because of that that Christian treats me with so much kindness.

-Papa, I want some chocolate. I beg him, arriving in front of the candy shelf and other sweets.

-But you know that chocolate is not good for teeth. Chris says, adjusting his glasses on his nose. Take marshmallow instead.

-But dad... I say pouting. A very small tablet and I promise you that I will tidy up my room and the house for a week.

Chris agrees and then finally, when everything is bought, we go to the cashier to pay. I look at my father with pride and then remember having surprised him speaking about me with my psychologist Uncle Schneider. I was not really sure what they were saying, but I think it was about my nightmare.

-We arrived, my pretty girl. Says the blond suddenly, making me come out of my thaughs.

As soon as the car stopped, I open the door and leave the metal monster to meet my friend at our favorite place. I only find his parents waiting for us quietly.

-Uncle Mourad, I'm happy to see you. I say happily. Where is Emil?

-I left him on the side of the swings. The man answers. But where is your father?

-I'm coming right away. Shouts my father, coming towards us. My feet are not made to run.

Uncle Mourad Osturk is Turkish, he came here to Germany with his two children Yagmur and Chem since a long time. He had met Diana his Greek wife who had only one son, Emil. We had become friends for four years when they came to live in the house next to ours.

-I'm going to join my friend. I tell them. We'll see each other after.