Alec doesn't know where he's going, he only knows that he's going home. And home is, and forever will be, Magnus Bane. His mind is a whirlpool of confusion, nothing fitting together in the frenzy that seems to throw him off balance. Everything that could've gone bad happened today. And Alec wasn't okay anymore.
His plan had failed and killed at least five of his own. He couldn't bear to be in that institute. The judgemental stares, the hated glances seemed to swallow him up. He had failed as a leader and this time Alec couldn't find a way to fix his problems. He only knew he needed Magnus, that's all he could do, want Magnus to hold him tightly and tell him everything going to be ok- even if it doesn't turn out that way.
Alec found himself outside of Magnus' loft, his fist immediately reaching to knock on the door. It stopped midway, his fingers lightly brushing against the oak hesitantly. Alec released a pained sigh, forcing himself to knock desperately on the door. He hated putting all his problems on Magnus' shoulders.
The door opened almost immediately as if Magnus' was, in fact, expecting his boyfriend. Magnus smiled brightly, a smile that illustrated all those small indents and could lighten up a whole room almost in an instant. Alec loved that smile, it warmed him up like nothing else mattered in the world.
"Alexander!" Magnus beamed in his usual charming manner, "You have a key you know? You don't have to knock," he moved to the side swiftly, letting Alec enter as he closed the door with a satisfactory thump.
Alec watched Magnus warily, rubbing his forearm in comfort. He didn't want to burden him but he needed him. The conflict in his mind dragged out, making him visibly angry. Why couldn't he do anything right?
"Hey," Magnus muttered softly and stepped closer, his eyes darting across Alec's figure in concern almost instantly, "Are you ok?"
Alec's breath hitched, his lungs burning as if someone had just knocked all the air out of him, "I'm fine..." he managed quietly, giving Magnus an attempt at a broken smile.
Magnus shook his head lightly, a small and unbelieving smile tugging at his lips, "You've always been a terrible liar, Alexander..."
Alec hated that. He hated how his name rolled off his tongue like sweet honey. He hated how Magnus could look behind his facade and know he just wasn't ok. He hated Magnus was the only one that could tell he was hurting, the person he cared about most.
Magnus slowly moved a hand to Alec's cheek, his thumb surfacing across the skin affectionately; Alec instantly moving into his act of comfort.
"Tell me what's wrong, darling," he muttered so softly that Alec's heart could've just broken right there.
Alec just couldn't do it. Magnus' hand felt like fire on his skin. He couldn't breathe; as if smoke was squeezing around his lungs tightly. So Alec did what he always did. He moved Magnus' hand off his cheek harshly, pushing him away and going against the promise he had made all those months ago.
Magnus' brows furrowed in confusion, he kept a steady gaze and shook his head in disappointment, "Don't you remember?" he muttered accusingly aloud as if it was obvious.
"When things get crazy, don't push me away," he quoted quietly, stepping so close their air mingled. Alec released a harsh breath that he didn't know he had been holding, the guilt flooding in his stomach as it flipped.
"I remember I-" Alec struggled for the right words, his hands balling into fists as his eyes search the floor for a way out. Alec bit his lip nervously, his chest heaving for relief, "I'm sorry..."
Magnus spontaneously pulled him into a bone-crushing embrace. Alec released a whine of surprise before relaxing in the warmth, his arms slowly enveloping around Magnus.
Alec breathed in his scent, the scent Alec loved and he closed his eyes releasing a shaky breath. Magnus moved a hand to the back of Alec's head, his fingers lightly brushing through his dark locks.
"I'm sorry..." Alec repeated as if they were the only words in his vocabulary, his voice breaking slightly which caused Magnus to wince.
"I've got you, it's ok," Magnus murmured reassuringly, letting Alec bury his head into the crook of his neck, "You're going to be ok,"
And that's all Alec needed to hear before he released a sob, his shoulders shaking lightly as a clear indicator that he wasn't ok. Magnus knew Alec wasn't ok and he was fine with that. He knew his strong hunter hardly ever cried and hated anyone to see him break down. This was a privilege that Magnus was gifted with. So, Magnus was completely fine with Alec gripping tightly to him like he was the only thing that made sense. Magnus was ok with Alec gripping his back harshly as he buried his head further into his neck. Magnus was ok with the wet, hot tears that stained his own shirt. Because that's all Magnus could do for the love of his life, be a lifeline that Alec needed to cling to for survival.
After a while, Magnus pulled away softly, bringing his hands to rest perfectly around Alec's face, "I love you,"
And Alec didn't need to say it back because Magnus heard him. Alec smiled genuinely this time and let himself sink further into Magnus' affection. It didn't matter that Alec hadn't told him what was wrong because Magnus understands. He knew eventually Alec would spill his feelings and he knew that Alec was putting in all he had to work on his overflowing sink of emotions.
Alec's teary eyes met Magnus dark ones for a moment before he moved forward and connected their lips. And as Alec found himself falling deeper in love with Magnus Bane at just the sight, he knew that in fact, Magnus was right.
Alec was going to be ok as long as he had Magnus- and for him, that was enough.
