The Passage (h.s)

Chapter Twelve

"Harry, are you okay?"

"Yes, Darling I'm perfect. I just can't stop admiring your eyes and how completely beautiful you are."

I feel my cheeks blushing while he tries to process his thoughts.

"Hey angel I have an idea, stay right here okay?"

Leaving me no time to answer he kisses my forehead and rushes out the bedroom door. I patiently wait for his return, sitting against his headboard with my legs crossed and a goofy grin on my face. The anticipation is killing me; my palms are sweaty and I'm antsy.

I get lost in thought and I don't even notice when Harry comes back into the room, but he clears his throat announcing his presence.

In his hands is a gorgeous acoustic guitar. It's shiny black and adorned with a white dove. He smiles with his guitar pic clenched between his teeth.

"Babe, what are you doing?"

He removes the pic from his mouth as he situates himself on the bed. His long legs hanging over the edge, he pats the spot next to him and I shuffle over anxiously. I have no idea what his plans are, his surprises seem endless.

"I thought of a song I want to sing for you. It's not one of mine, but it reminds me of being with you. Don't laugh at me because it's a bit cheesy."

"You have my word."

Harry clears his throat again before he begins. Within the first three chords I know which song he's playing, and immediately I start to tear up. He has a special way of knowing how to bring happy tears to my eyes.

His slender fingers on his left hand play the neck of the guitar and his right is strumming with the pic. During the intro he pays close attention to his fingers working skillfully on the strings. His eyes focused intently; his brow creased in concentration. He's diligently working to make this moment perfect; it makes my heart swell ten times its normal capacity.

"We got the afternoon, you got this room for two. One thing I've left to do. Discover me discovering you..."

Once he's comfortably settled into his performance his eyes leave the instrument to longingly stare into mine. It's almost too much to handle, this is seriously one of the most romantic songs ever written. God bless John Mayer for these exquisite lyrics, they're enough to make anyone melt.

Harry's vocals are deep and relaxed, this feeling I can only assume happens when heaven is within your grasp. I've heard him cover songs from other artists before and it impresses me that he has such a unique interpretation of each song. This song is no different, he knows how to tailor his performance to whoever his audience is.

"One mile to every inch of, your skin like porcelain. One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue. And if you want love, we'll make it. Swim in a deep sea, of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to be a while. Your body is a wonderland. Your body is a wonder, I'll use my hands. Your body is a wonderland.

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face. I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase. You tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it. I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it. You want love? We'll make it. Swim in a deep sea, of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to be a while. Your body is a wonderland. Your body is a wonder, I'll use my hands. Your body is a wonderland.

Damn baby, you frustrate me. I know you're mine all mine all mine. But you looks so good it hurts sometimes..." 

Typically, I'd be uncomfortable getting serenaded and stared at for 4 minutes. But not now, not in this moment. He's captivated me, and although it's terrifying, I don't know if I ever want this whirlwind to stop. Just 24 hours ago I was absolutely opposed to getting involved with anyone. And here we are, I'm falling madly in love with him.

One tear slips down my cheek, and it's mixed with equal parts of complete happiness and total heartache. My emotions have begun rapid cycling from one extreme to another. I don't know if I can do this, it's not fair of me to ask him to make his life any more chaotic than it already is. Which is exactly what I'll be doing by bringing kids and crazy exes into the mix.

Now the tears are streaming down, and I bury my face in my hands so he can't see me hurting. He doesn't need to know my tears are laced with pain right now, I don't want to ruin his heartfelt gesture.

Harry finishes the song and tosses his guitar on the bed. He wraps me in his arms and caresses my hair out of my face.

"Angel, this wasn't supposed to make you cry. What's going on, please tell me?"

Articulating my feelings is damn near impossible. I'm sobbing uncontrollably and I start to hyperventilate.

"I can't Harry...we can't."

"What are you talking about Baby?"

He envelopes me in his powerful arms while he rocks my body in a comforting motion.

I look up from my cocoon of tears and my heart continues breaking. He's in agony, desperately searching for answers. All he wants to do is fix the problem, but he doesn't even know what the problem is.

"Harry, we can't do this, the more time I spend with you the harder I fall."

"Okay, but what's the problem?"

"Let's just be honest, we come from two different worlds, we live different lives. It's not fair of me to ask you to sacrifice any of this for me. You shouldn't have to hide our relationship from the world, it's not good for either of us. It's better to end now, it will hurt a lot less than waiting around to realize this is all a mistake. I have kids, and your young with so much life to experience before having kids of your own someday..."

I'm so delirious that I have no idea what I'm trying to say.

On the verge of panic, he holds my face in his hands forcing me to look at him.

"Stop it damnit. Listen to me..." His voice is stern at first then it fades to tender. "That's a bunch of rubbish. I want to be with you regardless of our circumstances and I need you to understand that. I know we've just met, but without a doubt I know this is what I want. I won't let you tell me otherwise."

He scolds me for second guessing his feelings for me and the ones I have for him. The firm emphasis on his words is strangely reassuring and my tears slowly fade as he wipes them from my cheeks.

"Harry, this is crazy you know that?"

"Yes, I know it's crazy and I wouldn't have it any other way. So, come here."

He pats his lap insisting I come close to him. His smile is so welcoming and charming that I can't resist anything he asks of me, which is part of why it's frightening being in a relationship with him. Relinquishing control of my heart is something I hadn't been prepared to do, but I really think it's too late for that.

Harry scoots up to the pillows pulling me along with him. I lay my head on his toned chest as he strokes my hair. His magic takes me to a peaceful place, and I'm exhausted from the excitement of the last 24 hours. The comfort his protection provides softly lulls me to sleep. 

*** I do not own this song, Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer***