Innocent in Love

Her First Love

She was already 26 when she started to entertain courtship. Archie was her co-employee who expressed his feelings to her but she avoided him after knowing their difference in religious beliefs.

Celine focused herself at work. She didn't even notice Ernest until her sister-in-law meddled and informed her of his intention to court her. Only then that she realized and accepted him as his first boyfriend.

Ernest was liberated, being exposed to the western world as international airflight senior mechanic. He admitted to her that he had previous premarital affairs but short-lived.

Celine was eight years younger than Ernest. She had no idea how to deal with his amorous behaviors. He would pick her up from work and let her hitched in his motorbike. She became very vulnerable to his hugs, kisses and caresses, aside from the frequent expensive gifts and flowers he showered her . She thought he was a playboy but could no longer back out of the relationship. She seemed to be head-0ver-heels in love with Ernest. He would dare her to premarital sex which she hated and avoided. That's when she lost her trust in Ernest. But she was already hooked under his spell. She tried to break up with him and tried to be aloof for a while. But she couldn't stand and afford being out of his sight so she initiated the reconciliation and consented to fornication without intercourse.

Gradually, she got tired of their relationship thinking he may be just taking advantage of her vulnerability.

Celine's negativity poisoned her mind about their relationship so even when Ernest indirectly proposed marriage to her, she didnt take them seriously. One time, he told her to prepare her wedding gown when she showed Ernest one of her white clothes. She just laughed at his suggestion.

Another time, he held her hand and murmured " let's get you our wedding ring." She considered all those instances as jokes and just laughed at his remarks.

Ernest had wedding plans for them. He said that he wanted them to have only two kids because they need to travel a lot. He wanted them to live in Australia or Amsterdam when they get married. She told him " I want more than two kids." He laughed hugging her.

She already loved him but she didnt take him seriously with his sexual advances. She was good at putting limits not to go beyond what's proper.

What's in Celine's mind? Ernest may be serious in marrying her but what if he would one day change his mind and had another woman then divorce her?No way she'll allow that to happen to her. She wants a lifetime relationship not temporary. With these thoughts in her mind she was determined to test him and was willing to take the consequences no matter how it may hurt herself at the end. She was willing to risk their relationship just to assure of herself and answer her doubts.

She may be vulnerable but she did not see him as a good husband. She's not sure if she could live without him but she had to try. She had to test his loyalty first.

It would break her heart so much if her negative feelings were true of his insincerity but Celine decided to work abroad for a while. That's the only way to test him and herself. Its also another way to end his lusty feelings to her if that's what he was only to her. Whatever happens, she had to face the consequences. Easy to think and decide until reality knocked in.

Celine left for Idaho. In the airport, Ernest suddenly appeared inside the plane hugging her so tight in his farewell. He asked her to change her mind and marry him. He had premonition or fear that she might get involved to a rich man abroad and forget him. She ignored his remark kissing him farewell. She left without assurance of how their relationship would go. She thought of ending it when she's away. She dared herself to do it against her will.

Celine became so absorbed adjusting in her life abroad for the first month but she gradually started missing him. She wrote him briefly of her whereabout but she hardly received a reply. She knew he's not good writer. When he did he made an alibi, explaining he was in graveyard shift. He sent her a musical pillow that she got used to hugging in her sleep. He knew her weakness.

She already had doubts of his fidelity. She tried sending him breakup letter but she just tore it to pieces.

After only six months, Ernest sent her a letter confessing he had a fling with an "easy girl " he barely met to divert himself while she's away but she became pregnant and forced to marry her or he would be in jail.

It's like a time bomb exploding her heart to pieces. She broke down to endless tears in her solitude. She was expecting this to happen but she didn't realize how painful it was to be in the situation. After several sleepless nights of crying in despair, she got the nerve to reply to his letter. " She's the right girl for you so better marry and love her so I may be able forgive you." She was sobbing as she replied. Why couldn't she hate him after what he had done?Why write kind words in stead of cursing him? Did she realize that it was partly her fault that made him vulnerable to cheat.

She was depressed for months that she wanted to return back home and win him back. But then, she realized there's no turning back and she won't win over a girl who dared gave herself and conceived his child.
There's no one she could confide her sadness and desperation.

Few years passed by and she remained single. She gradually learned to move on and got attracted to a younger but matured and responsible man- Jorge - who she learned to admire when everyone around them teased them a lot. However, he was timid and never expressed his love which she longed to hear before showing her feelings. He would use bridge like their deacon to relay his love for her. She wanted to believe but she had to hear it from Jorge himself.

After a year, she got tired of waiting for Jorge who never presented himself so she decided to get rid of her feelings and moved to another city to avoid him.