Sleep Starve

Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia! Enjoy.

The firecracker didn't go off in second period. It went off in ninth, which just so happened to be the period that Emil's study hall was in that particular classroom.

Before the oh-so-lovely shock, Emil was rather enjoying himself. There was a book propped open in his lap, and a slight breeze blew in from the open window beside him. His chair was tipped backwards slightly and he was approaching what seemed to be the climax of his latest book. Which was good.

But then it went off.

When it did, he jumped, nearly falling over and banging his knees on the desk hard. If they weren't already looking towards the window, then they glanced at Emil for being further disruptive before focusing on the bigger one. The firecracker itself had been triggered without a hitch, it burst into red and gold sparks that Emil had to admit were breathtaking. If he could preserve those colors in his head forever, he would.

After the initial shock was over, the class resettled, and the teacher talking on the phone with the office, Emil settled back to read. Silently cursing Li Xiao in his head, he wondered why the boy hadn't set off his 'funny' prank earlier, like he was supposed to. When no answer revealed itself to him, he moved on. Why had Li Xiao felt the need to set up the stupid firecracker anyways?

It wasn't exactly the most mature or even clever thing to do. Not saying that Li Xiao was necessarily mature... The boy may seem cold and blunt, rather like himself, but Emil had witnessed small moments when he wondered how the other could stand himself. Yes, he was that immature at times. Like when he was teasing Emil and it got a bit too annoying.

Maybe it was a little endearing when he first started, but after a while it just got annoying.

Endearing, eh? A voice that sounded like his brother curled through Emil's head. Scarily similar to when he was chewing out Emil for some other or new thing he'd managed to find wrong about Emil. Messy hair, sloppy handwriting, speak more English, be more social, call me big brother, for Thor's sake tuck your shirt in! Always something, never nothing.

That was what everyone he knew was, in his standards. Always something, never nothing. Everything they did impacted somebody, usually more than one, half of the time in a notable way, others... Not so much. For Emil, it always seemed to be opposite. Always nothing, never something. It was an interesting concept, to say the least. What did his actions matter? There was no one there to be affected by them.

It was then that he realized how depressed he sounded. Wimpy as hell, was he right? Getting depressing thoughts because of nothing... He tried to push them to the back of his mind.

What's next Emil? Are you going to start swooning over him? Think he's cute, your best friend? More like only. The voice was back. It was so irritating and frustratingly familiar that he almost rolled his eyes and grumbled aloud for it to go away. Not only are you having a voice in your head making you question your life, but it has to be an annoying one, as well. Way to go.

I thought you said you wanted to be normal. You're not doing a very good job, you know.

Again he told the voice to go away. After a few minutes of silence, he breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed to have gone away, at least for the time being. Hopefully for a long, long time. Forever sounded good to him.

Was he going crazy? Getting depressed, or something? Emil hoped not. He knew that people couldn't control whether or not they were depressed, it wasn't something they could turn off, but Emil didn't want to be one of those people. One of the people who cut themselves or burned their arms or harmed themselves in other ways, who didn't ask for help, and ultimately ended up dead.

Killing himself was not on Emil's life agenda.

People who heard voices in their heads, they had to be crazy or depressed, right? This wasn't a conscious, it was a voice- his brother's voice- making fun of him. In his thoughts.

Emil had just wanted to be normal for his entire life. He was already unliked at his home in Iceland, when he was younger, and when he'd moved to here, the same thing had happened, with the addition of Berwald, Matthias, and Tino. Things had eventually sorted themselves out again, and Emil was left more alone than before. Because his brother now had friends to pay attention to, and didn't have the time to spend with him.

Sure, he was invited, but when he went he felt unwanted and awkward there. So he stopped going.

Apart from being a loner, there was the fact that Matthias and Lukas had become an item last year. If it wasn't enough for his brother to have friends that he got along with (even if they were supposedly his friends too), he now had a relationship. To Emil, a relationship wasn't necessarily about the romance. It was about having a person who would do anything for you and was a constant companion. And not in the way a pet was.

Having a gay older brother and only gay or bi sexual 'friends' didn't make for the most normal or blend in life. Hell, Emil just wanted to get through high school okay. Hopefully that would happen. But Emil couldn't see the future, so he could never be sure. Could anyone? Life was just a play with one unexpected act after another, now wasn't it?

Maybe someday he would make an appearance on the stage as a main character, too, instead of being just a voice in the background.

Hey guys! Happy Monday, another update for you. Just so you know, I'm planning to fix the first few chapters of this. I can't belive how much I've improved in just sixteen chapters! Thanks so much for the support. ^^~