minimalist ✓

i.

good enough

if i was to be honest
about the thoughts in my head,
i would tell you of deathless lies,
i would tell you of heartless threats;
they tell me i'm not good,
good enough to be here,
they tell me i'm a failure,
they tell me i'm not real;

it's dark inside my heart,
it's loud inside my head,
the pressure is too much
for my weak body to bear;
they clutch my chest with their claws,
they tell me i'm not pretty, i have flaws,
they're perfect, they're skinny, they're smart,
i'm not, i'm not, i'm not;

when the curtain goes up,
i smile for the crowd, i breathe,
but the second it goes down,
i'm ruined, i'm dying, i'm weak;
they bend and break me, i fall,
they build me up, i cry,
all i want to do is stop,
stop this pain and die;

but the cycle never ends,
nor the water stops to drown,
my lungs, my head, my tears,
it's here, i say, the dawn;

i'll never be good enough
for you to come back,
i don't know why i care,
i don't know why i'm sad;
and you never return,
you never kiss the pain away,
you never make me feel better,
after wishing i was dead;

you're the devil,
you are god,
you're intense and then you're calm,
you're the reason why people,
give a name to the storm;
i shouted your name at the wind,
but the answer never came,
i remember how you hit me
but i can never remember why you did;

if i was to be honest,
about the voices in my head,
i would tell you how much i missed you,
until i stopped and realized
that to you, i am dead.