what is the meaning of life i don't know i think it's full of crap hi my name is Isabel. am a girl who has lost her mind and now has suicide. truth story.
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hi my name is isabel am a 13 years old that is suffering from depression and losing sight of life... The story of my life I'm lost... Darkness swells, Taking Over Me I'm Falling to Despair and dreams of suicide. I'm sorry I want to leave it all behind these visions of death are close to becoming true as I am close of doing it tears of grief trickle down in rivers I feel unloved and I'm lost in a wave of self-annihilation swallowing my soul. Broken, i scream at night skies and riddled With sorrow it's not enough to slash my wrists, swallow pills and inhaled deadly fumes I have to completely destroy the past taking my life is the only way. I have many suicide thoughts And when I get them I feel happy at sometimes I want to cry I get very confused at times I just want to end everything I'm tired I'm pretending everything is okay and side I'm dying outside I'm smiling. the worst type of crying Is The Silent One. the one when everyone is asleep the one where you feel it in your throat and eyes become blurry from the tears like the one where you just want to scream the one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet The one where you can't breathe anymore and when nobody knows your crying is the worst. Sometimes I'm afraid to be happy because every time I'm happy something goes wrong and it hurts me read Between I'm going insane I'm fine I'm breaking inside I'm okay it's destroying me it's nothing please help me don't worry about it I'm in so much pain things are going good the line. sometimes I wish I would have never been more you know that sometimes you feel like the world is falling apart like nothing really matters if you're not here anymore couple of years I felt like honestly Dead from the inside.I felt different Like nobody really liked me.... I cried every night. I didn't tell anyone because I thought It was not worth it. Smiling has always been easier than why I'm sad. Depression is the worst kind of killer, Corners you at night or when you're all alone is slowly eat away at any shed of happiness It can find, until there's nothing left. Butt pain, and eventually, death. When somebody ask me if I ate today I would say " Sure I did, I ate plenty of lonely with the side of regret and it's sprinkles of pure sadness and four Dinner I ate my tears and watch my black eat me alive some really ever been so hungry anymore. I realized that every day I'd stop living life. I'm literally Just trying to get to the next day, just living in the start of tomorrow. I'm not living, I'm waiting, and the trouble is, I don't know exactly what I'm waiting for. I'm kind of scared for what it might be. I'll break down and cry the I'll drag the reserve across my skin, ice cream out that I want to die, but no one will listen. I've been thinking what do people see me as a friend, A tool or mistake. I wish I could be normal and think that everything's okay and forget the bad thing, I just want to feel the love from my little brother even back. He's dying slowly I can feel it inside I can hear it in the tone of my Mother's voice when she speak to me on the phone I can just hear from the other side of him crying and pain and I'm not there to cheer him up ever lived alive knowing that your brother is dying no one cares about you and just living every single day thinking I can't make a mistake Because if I do Then I can help my brother put food on his plate have a good life like school or a job but like that's ever going to happen so leave him dying from bronchitis because i can't do anything right. everyone dies every single day you expect that you're going to live forever but seems like every point in your life it's just going to lead up to one thing death. Heh heh what's funny to me that my life is just a lie because people say things that they don't really mean like your going to live with your mom very soon then 2 years later they say you can't live with your mom because she don't love you and your mom is just crazy having a baby, then having that baby is just a mistake to that's really fun to me because i was in foster care and been there for like 5 years or so then you go back with your mom and plan to stay with her for the rest of your life but you get taken again and what's the point for all this really i say to myself every single day just living in pain and seeing your brother for the first time then someone says you can't be with your own mother and brother pls finding out that he is dying is the worst thing that ever happen in my life like what's the point of being alive anymore because all my life is just full of the samething PAIN. i had to give up everything just to be perfect for my grandma like hope,happiness and even your own family but the one thing i had too give up is love i can't feel anything anymore even if you see me smile but it not that hard to fake your feels or even your life. let this be a lesson to people like me never give up hope and don't let people drag you down, never walk in the dark path no matter what because if you do you lose the sight of light in your heart and your life. I don't see colors anymore but just pure darkness it's very lonely but i can't change for what i become i don't even know who i am anymore.... i feel nothing but just pain and so many times i cried just knowing you will never see the light again or even be human to feel love and not hate or pain.
