Alex Lawther Imagines

"What would I do without you?"

My emotions had overcome the way I acted. I was no longer the one trying to be quiet and helpful, though I wanted to be, all of that went out of the window. Over time all the suppressed rage and sentiments took control, I let it all build up. I know I shouldn't have, but the bitterness in my body seemed comfortable and unwilling to move.

I was forgotten, he found someone better and it was as if I never existed. He'd be so unresponsive and cold, his tone coarse and mean, his actions portraying his distaste and repulsion to be around me. I played it off as nothing, he had a busy and stressful life.
His life was hectic, high expectations from others, loads of paperwork, interviews and more. It was a lot to take in. That's why I never questioned him, I loved him so much that I'd never want to do anything that'll possibly set him off. Even if it was regarding how I felt or the way he acted. That's why I didn't say anything when I saw a love bite on his collarbone, or the smear of nude lipstick contrasting his hand. I'd watch him come home and even though I knew I was just stalling til our inevitable end, I still remained silent.

Silence, it kills.  It's the one thing you'd never want to be stuck with, it's louder than anything. My silence costed me someone I'd actually loved...him. I didn't say anything, he assumed I didn't care, he brought another girl home, they ran to our shared room, had obnoxiously loud sex and then they fell asleep.

That night I ran to the only place that I felt safe and wanted, to Alex. I felt guilty for knocking at his flat at 2 in the morning, but I didn't know what else to do. He opened the door and I saw him, momentarily my problems dissolved, he was wearing a jumper and a pair of boxers and the image burned in my mind.

"Y/N what happened?"

"Justin." He pulled me by my wrist and engulfed me in a hug. Such a simple gesture expressed and did so much. It gave me a sense of safety, it brought me to a state of euphoria which pulled me out of the anemic world that surrounded me. Nothing else mattered, nothing else existed, just Alex's arms wrapped around my fragile and weak body, the subtle "whoosh" of the wind and my tears staining his jumper.

His grip guided me into his living room, a single lamp in the corner was illuminated. The soft orange rays of light casting shadows across the room. The cushioned seat beneath my legs gave me relief, as my legs had been wobbly and frail after running to Alex. He had walked out of the room and down a hallway, but soon returned with a jumper and a pair of boxers.

"Here, so you can be more comfortable." I nodded as a way of saying "thank you", not just for the clothes but for everything. Thanks for not slamming the door in my face, thanks for bringing me in, thanks for caring, thanks for being there, thanks for being Alex.

I stood up and trudged to his washroom. The lights on top of the mirror partially blinded me as my reflection stood in front of me, staring. I looked like a mess, drained, dejected, somber and lost. I stopped gawking at myself with pity like an idiot, knowing I'd stay here for hours if I didn't stop. My clothing fell to the floor and was soon replaced by Alex's. It smelt like him, the soothing scent abating the situation.

I returned to the living room, where Alex sat quietly twiddling his thumbs. He looked up and beamed, sending waves of warmth in my body.

"Do you uh, wanna talk about it?" He inquired sheepishly, assuring he didn't push anything.

I nodded, sitting next to him on his couch.

"It felt like it was bound to happen, he'd become so distant and cold, I assumed it wasn't anything regarding our relationship, I thought it was work or something. Every time I'd ask he'd get aggravated and he'd brush me off, so I didn't push it. He'd only talk to me if he needed something and I did it for him because I loved him. He used to help me so much and I didn't want to let that go. But he's changed...so much, he's not the person I remember loving, he's a stranger. Anyways, it's been like this for a couple of months and just a couple of hours ago he brought someone home and they had sex in our room." Alex pulled me into another hug. I gripped onto him as if he was my last lifeline.

"I know you're frustrated, let it all out, everything you want to say to him, just don't let it build up."

"Justin, I can't believe you, you left me when I needed you the most. Now I'm utterly lost, I don't know what to do anymore. I understand shit gets complicated but it does for everyone, you could've said something, you didn't have to open up or anything but just say you want a break or you need help....anything. You're terrible, you could've broken it off , but no, you had to be an unloyal bastard. What's your issue? It's one thing to be dismissive and cold but to cheat, to bring someone home and have sex in our shared bedroom, that's messed up. I just- now I'm back to square one and I'm alone."

"Y/N, I'll be there for you...always." My heart thumped, the rhythmic beats driving me insane. His lips ghosted over my cheek, then planted a soft peck on the surface. He grabbed my hand and his thumb
brushed over my knuckles. My head rested on his shoulder and we stayed in that position for a little while.

"What would I do without you?"