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An Anonymous Note

First of all, I'm sorry.

I made a promise, a promise I wish I could have kept for longer than I did.

I wish things didn't have to end this way.

I wish there could have been more time to make up everything I put you through.

Sometimes at night, I have anxiety attacks putting myself through what you experienced, waiting for the day I'd hopefully return.

It is no way of living, an endless wait to see if someone will show you the ultimate form of selflessness.

You've grown so much in a short period of time though.

Don't lock yourself away from the world, Amber.

The world deserves you in it. Welcome the light in, princess.

Don't be like me.

I was taught at a young age that the world owes you nothing, that the only person you can trust is yourself.

I was wrong. So very wrong...

You walked into my life one day, and I had to reluctantly realize that I was far from the truth.

You taught me in a short period of time what people having feelings for.

People are engineered to have compassion and love for one another.

You taught me that, and you allowed me to so happily show you how much you meant to me.

And then I hurt you.

I can never forgive myself for that.

But I fought with every ounce of my life to come find you again.

You've grown so much though.

You've grown into a beautiful young woman.

And yet, there's darkness in your heart, I can feel it.

It's twisted and gnarled, eating away at the Amber I met that fated day forever ago.

Don't be like me, Ambs.

There's so much evil in our world, evil that takes the form of friends, siblings...

Parents.

Don't let it consume you too.

You were meant for so much more than what you believe you're for.

I know it. I just hope you'll see it too.

I can't stay though, I'm sorry.

It's funny how history repeats itself.

I don't believe I'll be returning though this time.

My research tells me that if I can infiltrate into the void, I can cause damage.

That damage can potentially create enough injury to the void itself that it can't keep its hold on you.

I don't know if it's true, but I would rather try and have it succeed than let you suffer any longer.

Sure, it looks selfish.

I'm taking my own life, saying you won't suffer if I succeed and yet you'll be left with the pain of my death.

It's a chance I've got to take though.

It was always meant for you, and only you.

I wish there could have been more time.

I wish you could help me cope with the anxiety and panic attacks I suffer from late at night when no one is around to hear my screams.

The screams that scratch my throat raw....

You remember that night you snuck into my room?

Ha, man, how embarrassing for me...

But you knew almost everything.

You remember how I told you my brother died a war hero in the Middle East by saving a village from a bomb but lost his own life?

Maybe that's what I'm trying to do here.

Trying to die with a legacy.

Maybe I'll die a war hero against the void.

I'll die as your hero, Amber.

You remember how happy we were?

You can still be like that.

Don't shut yourself out from the world, let the good that's still out there lead you.

There will be better days for you, better opportunities than the joke I was.

I wish there could be more for the two of us though.

Maybe in another lifetime, Amber.

I'll miss you.

I go into this goodnight loving you, as cheesy as that may sound.

I hope you'll remember me.

Lastly, I'm so sorry again but this is my final farewell.