This Side of Paradise (Legolas Fanfic)

Part 4 (26)

He slowly encloses his hand around mine. I put my free hand to the back of my neck, trying to cool it. "Your hand is frigid," He says in surprise. He holds my hand close to him, trying to warm it. He looks away, his mind clearly already on other things. "I can't stop thinking of those children."

I take a calming breath. "They remind me of myself."

"How?" He asks watching me carefully.

"They're orphans, they're going to have to figure out the whole world by themselves. They might have people looking out for them but there's nothing to replace a real mother and father." His thumb wipes the back of my hand and I take in a deep breath. The whole world was just placed on their shoulders, he's going to have to take care of his sister like his own child now. They're going to watch everyone around them going through monumental moments with their family surrounding them feeling jealous that they're never going to experience that," I explain.

"Did you ever care for him?" Legolas asks and I see him cringe right after he ask.

"Sort of," I answer, knowing this whole conversation. "He was fun to talk to, we were as close to friends as I would allow myself to have."

"I'm glad you allow yourself to have friends," He says.

"It's just going to hurt me in the end, but I can't go through life without friends, I suppose," I admit.

"What about someone closer than a friend?" He asks.

I gently pull my hand from his and hold my hand close to my chest. "I don't know. I know that in the not too distant past I would've run from the mere thought, but now... I'm not sure. I've lost a lot of people, a lot. I had a hard time letting myself have friends but a relationship in very different. It's a commitment that you are going to try to go through life together. I haven't had a whole lot of people be able to go through life with."

We continue to stare at the stars. He's clearly deep in thought about the tail end of our conversation. He's been a good friend, a really close friend. I hope that we'll be side by side when everything comes to an end. I go back to my room, knowing that sleep won't be an option for me tonight.

The next day everyone starts collecting their stuff for the journey we're about to go on. As my party makes our way to the stables Gimli rants about how the people should be fighting instead of running. Aragorn tries to calm him down as we enter the stables but Gandalf agrees that this is a rather stupid idea. There's only one entrance and exit, if the defenses don't hold everyone here is one for. "They will hold," Aragorn tries to reassure him.

Gandalf turns to pet the horse "The Grey Pilgrim that's what they used to call me. Three hundred lives of men I've walked this earth and I have no time," He mutters before mounting the horse. "With luck my search will not be in vain. Look for my coming at first light on he fifth day. At dawn look to the east." Aragorn opens the stall and Gandalf leaves, almost running into Legolas and Gimli on his way out. I give Legolas a teasing smile before we continue to prepare for the departure.

We help out were we can until it's finally time to leave. Theoden leads him people to Helm's Deep with our party right behind him. It's a slow move and the amount of people makes me anxious about an attack at any moment. As Theoden slows his horse down so that he's next to me. "I know that you didn't want to tell me but now that the decision's already made would you tell me what you would have done?"

I sigh before shooting him a sly smile. "You know me, Theoden. I'm always up for a fight. But as I mentioned earlier the decision isn't mine to make, they're your people." He nods and a silence falls over us for a moment. I decide to change our conversation to one where conflict isn't a possibility. "You seem to have lived a good life Theoden, I'm sorry to hear about our wife."

He sighs "She was one of the best women I've met. Even though I was saddened when you left I'm grateful that you did. Even if everything ended the way it did."

"Anyone could see that she had a true appreciation for your company," I compliment.

"Yes and I for hers. I can also see that your elf friend has a true appreciation for your company," He says.

I start and look up at him quickly. "Oh, no, um."

"You haven't noticed yet?" He asks as he lifts an eyebrow at me.

"You're looking too deep into things, my friend," I say but I don't argue, which he notices. He doesn't say anything but from the look he gives me he clearly notices that I didn't argue. Legolas and I are rather close but we aren't that close. "I don't think I'll be that close with someone for a while," I admit.

"Why is that?"

"I'm damaged goods," I hear coming out of my mouth before I can stop myself. "When people want me, I either don't want them or I'm not good enough for them."

"You don't allow yourself to be happy," He notices. I look at him in surprise, realizing that what he said is true. He rides ahead of me, leaving me to myself to think about what he just said. Maybe I feel like I can't be happy because every time I am everything turns to shit. I feel Legolas come up beside me but I don't look at him.

"What were you talking about?" He asks, clearly seeing my unhappiness after my conversation with Theoden.

"Nothing, just the past, the future... the present. Things," I try to make up excuses but I'm clearly not good at lying to people I care about. He lets it go though and he ride together in quiet. I hear Gimli talking with Eowyn about female dwarves, about how they're often mistaken for men. "It's probably the facial hair," I whisper to Legolas and he smiles at this.

Gimli's horse takes off causing him to fall. I watch for them to see if he's fine, but find my eyes drawn to something else. "I thought Aragorn had something with Arwen," I say and Legolas also sees the look that Eowyn and Aragorn are sharing.

"As did I," Legolas responds. We share a look of discomfort but neither of us say anything about it. First of all, it's not our business and secondly, it'd be a rather awkward conversation that neither of us really want to have with anyone, let alone Aragorn himself. The day passes less eventfully after this and the sun eventually sets. We set up camp for the night and people fall asleep on the ground rather quickly, probably exhausted from the day's journey.

Legolas set up next to me so when I'm laying down trying to quiet my mind he's barely a foot away. "The stars are beautiful tonight," he observes, bringing my attention to him. "There is a lot of coverage from the trees in the woodland realm, so you can't see the stars unless you put in some work. It's nice being able to see them all the time here."

"That's one of the things I like about the heavens, no matter where you are the stars are always the same." He nods in understanding. "No matter how lost you are, there's always on constant," I whisper and I hear him shift to look at me. "Sorry getting emotional, I guess, must be the long day getting to me."

"It's true though," He replies and I hear him settle back down. "It makes me feel like I'm apart of something bigger, like out of everything out there I get to be right here."

"It makes me feel small," I admit softly. After a moment of silence I tell him good night and roll over to face away from him.