never be the same • jyrus

chapter thirteen

This is the moment that will shake the foundations of the entire earth. The moment that will cause the sun to explode. The moment that will send the entire universe to collapse.

Is that too dramatic?

All I know, is this is the most important thing I'm ever going to do.

What if they are done waiting for me to apologize? What if they just flip me off and tell me to kill myself or something?

No, it's going to be fine. Will it?

I guess there's only one way to find out.

I sit down and they both look up to me.

"I'm sorry," I blurt. That probably wasn't the best delivery. "I have been horrible and I think I have finally gotten over it enough."

"Go on," Buffy says, crossing her arms.

"Can you at least look more approachable?" I joke. She drops her arms from her chest and nods. "Ok... so I have been thinking and I really want us to be back to how we used to be."

"So do I," Andi says with a small smile.

"But... I know that's impossible. We can't just pretend that never happened. If we try to it's always going to be in the back of our minds anyways. We will spend every minute together scared of the ticking time bomb inside our heads. So instead of starting over... we just need to start."

"Hello. I'm Buffy," Buffy says. I don't think she understands what I mean.

"I already know your name. I don't want to forget the past. I just want it to be behind us so we know we can't let it get there again," I say. Hopefully they understand now. I can understand why it would be confusing though. I just think if you forget about it then it is consequently easier to repeat it.

"Thank you so much Cyrus," Andi says with a sheepish smile.

"No, thank you." I wouldn't be here doing this if she didn't reach out to me.

"Please just know I'm going to make mistakes. You guys can yell and scream at me all you want but we have to stay friends. We just have to."

"I promise," Buffy and I say at the same time. We look at each other in shock then break into laughter.

Maybe I should tell them that I'm dating Jonah now that we're all good. Maybe not, because Jonah might not want me to. I'll talk to him about it later, because I kind of don't want everyone to know yet.

"Well guys I'm going to go back up with Jonah and Amber," I say. I start to stand up before Buffy interrupts me.

"Do you like them better than us or something?" Buffy asks. I sit back down in my seat.

"Buffy..." Andi sighs.

"No. But I was sitting with them earlier so I don't want to be rude," I lie. It's partially the truth, but I also want to go sit with my boyfriend on the roof. Not that I'm telling them that part though.

"But shouldn't we start?" Buffy asks.

"I promise I will sit with you guys tomorrow. I will just have to tell them first," I say. Hopefully this will please them.

"Are they in control of your life or something?" Buffy asks. "They are your friends just like we are. Why do you have to let them know where you are?"

Why is she getting so defensive? "Just so they don't think I'm bailing on them."

"So you can leave us?" Buffy asks. I'm so lost.