It's been two weeks since I found Ella bleeding to death in the shower, and one week since I received the notice that we would be having our house taken from us. I haven't paid any bills and I'm not even working. Sadie and I continue to do what we do best. She stares at the turned off tv, and I stare at the block of knives.
I got up from the table and walked over to the knifes, grabbing a big one and pulling it out of the block. I ran my fingers along the blade, before placing the cold metal to my lips and giving it a small kiss. I then placed the knife against my wrist and watched as I pushed it into my skin without cutting or harming myself. But before I could pull the knife to cut myself, I noticed Sadie get up from the couch and walked across the living room, towards the balcony I'd assume.
I shook my head and put the knife back into the block and sat back down at the table, sighing.
I continued to stare at my new found friend, and felt no remorse for having the thought of taking my own life with it. Maybe I should kill myself. Maybe I should join my daughter and husband, but am I supposed to leave my other child behind?
I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard a loud yank and crack coming from where Sadie had gone. I jumped up from the chair and ran throughout the house until I reached the door that lead out onto the balcony. I twisted the knob, and slowly stepped out onto the deck.
"Sadie?" I asked, but the only sound I could hear was the creaking of the deck itself. I felt the deck jerk. I looked over to the stairs and quickly found my feet scurrying down them. When I reached the bottom of the stairs and turned my head to look at the front of the balcony from the ground, I saw her. I saw her feet dangling. I saw the rope, tight around her neck. She was now blue and her eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets. Below her, taped to the wooden bar that helped to hold up the balcony, was a paper.
I walked over to her, not a tear in my eye. I ripped the note from the red coloured wood, and unfolded it. I'd already dealt with one note, so I am now prepared for another. Before I read the note, I looked up at my youngest and sighed. "Lets see what you have to say, baby girl," I said, and looked back down at the note.
Dear Daddy,
Seeing that we are both now fucked up, I know you will not cry when you find me. I know that you will be happy for me because I'll get to be with Ella and Daddy Lou. One day you will join us, whether you chose when to or whether you wait and allow nature to take its course. I know that whatever choice you make, you will make it for the best. Please know that both Ella and I loved you so much. I'll forever be a daddy's girl. I'll love and miss you, daddy. See you soon.
Always,
Sadie <3
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Two more chapters everyone! It's almost over!!!
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From the tip of my nose to the curl of my toes,
-Banana
