Second Chance :: Nathan Chen

Prologue

Song: Youth by Troye Sivan, Cover by Daniel Seavey

The tears begin falling before I can stop them. 

My toe pick is digging firmly into the ice as I take off. 

My hands clench tightly on the pale fingers of my best friend. 

My brother. 

"God, I don't even know if you're real, but please, just heal him," I pray desperately, my voice shaking. 

I fly through the air, arms folded professionally across my chest. 

The heart monitor my brother's attached to gives another robotic beep. 

My fingers anxiously trace the lines in my brother's palm. 

We've always been there for each other. 

Cancer, in a way, screwed everything up but made us closer. 

I land solidly, a loud creak making its way out from the ice. 

My brother, Paul Yu has heart cancer. 

People said that getting attached was a bad idea, it's hard to get so attached to someone, and then lose them. Especially when you're young. 

And then suddenly the ice is cracking.

My mind anxiously flashes back to the days at home. The days after chemo, when Paul would come home exhausted, sicker than I had ever seen him. Those days when I was scared that I would lose him. 

And now I actually am. 

"Miss," A nurse says, "It's after visiting hours. We're going to have to ask you to leave."

"Is he going to make it?" I ask my voice cracking.

"You need to leave," The nurse commands. 

The tears begin falling more intensely. 

"Please," I beg, clinging on to her arm. 

The nurse stares at me her expression solemn. 

The shards of ice are flying through the air, and I stand frozen to the ice as the crack spreads. 

Everyone, my parents, the doctors, the nurses, have tried to keep every detail about Paul's condition away from me. 

"He's dying isn't he?" I ask, more tears appearing in my eyes. 

The nurse doesn't say anything as she folds Paul's bedsheet, smoothing it out perfectly. 

"Paul," I whisper turning to face my brother. "I love you so much, and I can't imagine a day without you. But, apparently, soon I will. I just want you to be happy, and if that means letting you go, and letting you leave, then I guess I have to do that."

My teeth sink into my chapped bottom lip. 

The metal taste of blood fills my mouth. 

I have to do this, for me and for Paul. 

Breathing heavily I let go of Paul's hand. 

"I'm sorry."

The ice beneath me cracks, and I fall. 

My world is suddenly quiet as nurses and doctors pour into the room, each of them anxiously poking and prodding Paul. 

I crumple to the floor, my face pale as a sheet. 

He's gone and I know it. 

I set him free.  

Falling my arms wildly, I sink amiss the sheets of ice and water. 

The ice has me, and it's not letting go.