who you are

Part 20

When I went to school on Monday I went into homeroom and asked Megan if we could talk. We went outside and I must have unconsciously looked down at my arm when she asked what happened because she said,"You didn't Alex." I just nodded not looking at her."Why?" she asked. "Are you seriously asking me why? Do you not understand what you people did to me? Just leave me and don't tell me why. Is that what good friends do?" I said raising my voice.

I didn't wait for an answer I just walked back inside. When the bell rang for us to travel to our first class I burst out of the classroom. My life continued the same for the next few months then one day I had a really bad day I went to go take my shower but before I got in I grabbed my razor made 3 tiny cuts on my arm and then took my shower. I didn't want to commit suicide but I needed to take my anger out on myself. 

The next day when I went to school I didn't even bother wearing long sleeves I didn't even care. I caught Megan looking at my arm a few times but she didn't care that much. Then later in the week she texts me and I was nice back but when I went to school the next day she acted the same way. Completely ignoring me. She really wasn't the kind of friend I thought she was. It really hurt to have her act this way.

I just wanted what we had before but I knew that it wouldn't happen. When I really started thinking I realized that even if I became friends with them again this had the ability to start again. I didn't know if I really even wanted to be friends with her. She came up to me and told me on Monday at school,"Alexandra I should have done this earlier but you were being really negative and I couldn't stand it." I was shocked that she had the nerve to say this.

"Well, Megan I'm sorry that my life just went from really good to the worst possible. My friend just got really sick and was in the hospital for three weeks and my grandpa just had a really bad stroke and I don't know how long it will take him to recover if he ever does. Oh, and for the record, this all happened within a week. So yeah I am going to be the most positive and happy person ever," I said.

Her jaw just kind of dropped before I walked away. It hurt me to talk about these things to her and that's why I didn't tell her when they happened. Maybe I should have but she could have asked me if there was something going on or why I was acting differently. I decided that I just needed to change schools because I couldn't go here anymore this was too much it made me sad to think about leaving but I had to.