I just went to a visitation (I think that's what it's called) for someone who commited suicide a few weeks ago. I barely knew them, but my brother used to be in cub scouts with them. My mom is really good friends with their grandparents (he lived with them).
I was okay at first, but I suddenly started crying. I ended up having a horrible panic attack.
I wish I could give him my life.. but I know he wouldn't want to have to continue the shit he was going through.
I'd give my life to so many people.
My mom came into my room for a while. I wanted her to leave. I hate it when people see me cry.
She says I can talk to her whenever.. but that's a lie. All she'll do is judge me and send me to a mental hospital (she's already threatened to do that before)
I don't want life to continue.
I want to be gone.
I'm a terrible person and I won't believe otherwise.
No one really likes me.
I don't feel bad for myself, I feel bad for others- other people stuck having to deal sith me.
Why can't I be gone
It really is sad that so many people want to die.
I care about all of you guys. I don't care if we barely know eachother or feel like we've known each other our whole life.
You're all important.
But I'm not.
