❤💗 BOOK 2 💗❤Jane is still recovering from her breakup with Shannon and the tumultuous events of the last few months. These are excerpts from her journal as she goes on walkabout, trying to sort her head out.
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Well, here we are. One week since everything fell apart. One week since I walked away from what was left. One week of cycling wildly between determination to become more than what I was and desperately wanting back everything that I had.
As I write in my notebook I am sitting in the shadow of Machu Picchu, watching as throngs of tourists come and go, and I wonder about all of them, what experiences they carry here with them, what they will carry away when they go. The physical beauty here is awe-inspiring, but nothing else seems to touch me. The numbness at my core is still immovable. I will keep moving forward.
There is, unsurprisingly, no cell service out here and my phone has been silent for days. It has been a relief. I should be back to somewhere more settled next week and I am hoping by then I might be able to face people. I should at least call Mitch.
I have had a bit of a reality check traveling on my own. The last few years I have been lucky, jetting around with Roger and Angus, seeing many beautiful cities and spending weekends in exotic ports, never having to spare much thought for my personal safety. Without the protection of my male escorts and luxury resorts, the focus of my treks has already drastically changed. It's not simply being more aware of my surroundings or trying not get assaulted or pick-pocketed. I met a small group of Canadian friends yesterday, three guys and one girl. They invited me to come with them on their hike of Rainbow Mountain. If it had been Roger and me or if I had been with Angus I would have accepted right away, without hesitation. Instead, I had to stop and calculate if these people wanted to harm me. It's not that I was invulnerable with my male escorts, but it wasn't the same. Finally deciding to go with them meant spending the entire day with them first, and getting all their names, and going back to my hotel to send an email to my parents about where I was going and leaving word with the front desk about my plans, and making sure that my new friends understood that people knew I was with them and by God someone would come looking if I didn't turn up again at the expected time. And still I'm anxious. The problem is I don't' know if maybe I should have been more anxious before, or this is appropriate now, or if I just have had my trust so destroyed I don't know how to related to people anymore.
I haven't decided where I'm going next. Maybe my new acquaintances will have some thoughts on that. I'm just trying to be in the now.
