Killed someone for you. W.I.P

What has the love turned into?.

I started to lack the emotion of pleasure while kissing her. All the emotions that I used to have turned into void, it felt like everything started to become empty. I tried to find emotions by looking into her eyes and kissing her, but all I felt was a lack of something....I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was a lack of a feeling...It felt like I was kissing an ice cold wall while being half dead.. But when I looked at her, it seemed like she was feeling the emotions, I had started to lack. Maybe I started to lose interest?... No, that can't be right. She was the only one I wanted, the only person I loved, she was the one I'd kill someone for.. She was my...How can I say it in words...She was my world. But it felt like my world was being shattered into pieces. Every tight hug, every deep kiss, every gift, every smile, laugh, moment has started to turn into an emotionless void of emptiness..

After being lost in my own thoughts I tried to kiss her harder, to try to feel something, I started to hear and feel her breath getting heavier, cause I struggled to feel anything, so I just kissed her deeper and deeper. Our relationship was never sexual, I never liked that kind of stuff, it was too..."Extreme" for me. I think my traumatic childhood caused me to think that way.. But as long as I remember, I was a happy kid..I think..My childhood seemed very.... .... Very.... Happy :). But I still had the feeling of lack. It was maybe love? My parents always used to work day and night, until my mom died... After that, my dad quit his job due to depression, he started drinking a lot.. And he got very abusive. All I wanted was to be loved, but I got beaten, hit and yelled at instead.

But I don't think that's a reason to why I don't want a sexual relationship, I just think it's the reason that I'm not interested in that kind of stuff.

After the long kiss, I let go of her.. I looked into her eyes, they seemed....Empty?.. But why? Did I do anything wrong?! Was it the kiss maybe??. I started to overthink. It was very silent, I could hear my own heartbeat, and I could hear hers.. I asked her "You seem..Upset?. Is everything alright?." She looked at me, and pulled her sleeves up, she was wearing a maroon colored sweater. When she pulled the sleeves up I saw bruises, I couldn't seem to feel any sense or feeling of...Sadness? When I looked at it, it just felt like nothing. I put my cold, pale fingers gently on the bruises, and ran them down her arm. I asked her quietly, "Who did this?..". She said that it was her dad.. She has started to experience the same stuff that I experienced...