Basic

Chapter 1~

Instead of talking to myself I figured I'd write it out. Not in a diary of any sort, that's overrated, but more like a story of how to survive. Its a 'how to'.

I actually hate 'how to's'. I remember before someone took him, I had a bird. His name was Ricky. I was five when I got him and I figured I'd name him after my dad, Richard. Anyways, I used to tell people Ricky could talk. I didn't know the difference (if there even is¿) between a parrot and a parakeet. Well some how there's a difference where a parrot talks and a parakeet doesn't. But I told people Ricky talked anyways.

So in my third grade class I wrote a 'how to' on how to teach your bird to talk. Now let me tell you, it is probably one of the coolest papers ever, if your gullible enough to believe it. Anyways, I wrote a whole thing on how to put your bird in it's cage, and to say a word repeatedly, and after they said the word, you'd feed them a treat as a reward.

I got a 100 on this project. My teacher thought it was amazing, so I'm guessing she was pretty gullible.. And so was the rest of my class. People would ask me all sorts of questions like "what does it say" and I'd reply that Ricky would curse. He would curse, and talk to me like we were best friends. Yet when I really came home. I never even gave a second of my time to look at him.

So soon after, my birthday came around and I wanted to throw a party. I was so excited for this party, friends are coming, money, cake, all that jazz. About a week before the party this girl came to me, her name was Riley. She was probably one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen at that age, I always wanted to be her, popular and all. So she asked me if she could talk to my bird. I was so excited and told her of course and that Ricky already knows her name because I thought she was my 'best friend'. What was I thinking?

Anyways she got all excited and about a day before my party I really thought about it. How the hell was I going to get this thing to talk? Well, to end the story on a good note, I made a mistake by saying Ricky talked. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE tried talking to Ricky. I lied again and said he was sick with asthma... And then of course my sister came in.

And you know how sisters are, annoying and they want to ruin our lives, well she did. She told them the truth.

McGuire: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, RICKY CANT TALK. HE NEVER HAS"

Me: " YES HE DOES WHAT ARE YOU DEAf"

She then started crying and I panicked, I didn't want my parents to find out so I told the truth. I apologized, and lost all my friends.

Oh how great 'How To's' are. So I hope this doesn't make me die or lose any friends. But I hope this does show how stupid I am and was. So I guess this will be some sort of a 'how to' or 'survival guide' or just a story about my amazing life.